Author name: Lian Smit

Psalm 23:1 – “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.” Psalm 23 is one of the most well-known and well-loved psalms of spiritual encouragement. What many people don’t realise is that it also provides a beautiful framework for a godly marriage. By reflecting the heart of God towards His people, Psalm 23 provides a blueprint for how you and your spouse can love, serve, and support one another in marriage. Applying the psalm to marriage creates a foundation for a strong, Christ-centred relationship. The terminology: How does the Bible define “shepherd”? Psalm 23 is built on the analogy of a shepherd looking after his sheep. It is therefore important to understand the meaning and role of a shepherd in a biblical context. In the Bible, “shepherd” is used in both a physical and metaphorical sense. In the physical sense, shepherds provided daily food, protection, direction, and comfort to the sheep that depended on them. Spiritually, a shepherd symbolises God’s loving care for His people and points to leaders, kings, and ultimately Jesus Christ as the “good shepherd” (John 10:11). In both instances, the shepherd doesn’t lead from a distance. He walks closely with his flock, watches over them, protects them from danger, and guides them to places where they can flourish. In the same way, a healthy marriage requires intentional care, ongoing guidance, patience, and selfless love A husband as shepherd When a husband acts as a shepherd to his wife and family, he creates a home characterised by security, love, and stability. It is all about servant leadership rooted in humility and sacrifice and based on the character of Christ as the ultimate good shepherd. Domination or control has no place in godly shepherding. As a shepherd, a husband is called to lovingly lead, protect, and provide for his wife and family. Importantly, provision extends beyond financial provision. Just like the shepherd takes care of all  the needs of his sheep, a husband should take care of his family’s emotional, spiritual, physical, and practical needs. This includes providing, for example, comfort, affection, encouragement, wisdom, and emotional support. A shepherd-husband understands that leadership begins with taking responsibility for the spiritual atmosphere in the home and strives to create an environment where his wife and family can thrive. Qualities of a shepherd- husband A shepherd-husband’s wife Just like the sheep trust their shepherd, a shepherd-husband’s wife trusts her husband’s leadership. But she also walks alongside him as a supportive partner, helper, encourager, and source of wisdom, contributing her own shepherd qualities to the relationship. Similar to a shepherd-husband laying the groundwork for spiritual growth in the home, a godly wife helps create a home where love and faith can flourish. Even if the wife is the primary financial provider, mutual respect and partnership remain essential in maintaining unity within the relationship. Qualities of a shepherd-husband’s wife The true meaning of “I lack nothing” Psalm 23 begins with, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing”(NIV). To lack nothing does not mean having every material possession. In  context of the Lord as the good shepherd, it speaks of spiritual and emotional sufficiency. The phrase reflects complete trust in God. In Hebrew, the phrase means “not being empty”. It means living from a place of fullness and contentment rather than constant fear, insecurity, or striving. It is the confidence that God will provide whatever you need in every season of life.  What “lacking nothing” looks like in marriage To lack nothing in marriage means both partners feel emotionally, spiritually, and relationally supported, leading to a deep sense of security, trust, and fulfilment. You will experience this when both of you fulfil your roles as shepherd-husband and shepherd-husband’s wife. It describes a relationship built on abundance rather than scarcity, characterised by these traits: When you proactively and practically align your relationship with verse 1 of Psalm 23, it will become a testimony of a marriage rooted in and reflective of God’s loving care, where you both feel loved, supported, protected, and spiritually fulfilled. Questions to think and talk about:

The story of Boaz and Ruth took place during the time of Judges. For Ruth, a Moabite woman, their story started with loss: Ruth’s husband had passed away. Her mother-in-law, Naomi, had also lost her husband as well as her sons.  Out of love for Naomi, Ruth decided to leave her homeland and go live with Naomi in Judah. In making this decision, Ruth uttered those well-known words of devotion: “Your people will be my people, and your God my God.” (Ruth 1:16) In Judah, far away from her family and home, Ruth had no prospects as a foreign widow. To provide food for her and Naomi, she went to work as a gleaner (someone who picks up fallen grains after the harvest) in the fields of Boaz, an Israelite farmer. Boaz noticed Ruth’s good character and protected her.  Boaz was also a relative of Naomi’s late husband and the “family redeemer”. According to ancient Israelite law, a close relative (the “redeemer”) could buy the land of a widow and marry her to continue the family name. After another relative refused to take up the role of redeemer because Ruth was a foreigner, Boaz stepped up and married Ruth. Boaz and Ruth became the parents of Obed, who was the grandfather of King David. Despite being a non-Israelite, Ruth became part of the family line of Jesus. Lessons we can learn from Boaz and Ruth Boaz and Ruth’s story is set in a very specific historical and cultural context, far from our realities today. We can learn valuable lessons from their relationship. At the heart of Boaz and Ruth’s message is a shift in focus from finding the right person to being the right person. Their relationship was not built on a spark of emotion, but on a foundation of godly values and principles. 1. Character is more important than chemistry Whereas we live in a world driven by surface-level attraction, Boaz and Ruth remind us that character matters. Boaz looked beyond the fact that Ruth was a poor, foreign widow and noticed her kindness and devotion towards Naomi. Ruth trusted Boaz because he was known as an honourable and kind man.  Chemistry can fade, but character provides the stability needed for the “for worse” seasons. Make a conscious effort to identify and praise your partner’s admirable character traits, such as their integrity, work ethic, and how they treat those who can do nothing for them in return. 3. Practise love that goes above and beyond The Hebrew word hesed is the heartbeat of Boaz and Ruth’s story. There isn’t just one single English translation, since it encapsulates several meanings: loving-kindness, steadfast love, mercy, and loyalty. It describes a selfless love that goes beyond what is required. Boaz demonstrated hesed by taking the role of family redeemer to provide protection and security for Ruth and Naomi. Practising hesed means looking for ways to serve and honour your spouse even when you are tired or when they have not “earned” it. It means not keeping score of mistakes and giving 100% all the time, irrespective of feelings or circumstances. 3. Guard each other and your relationship at all costs Boaz went out of his way to ensure that Ruth was safe in his fields and stepped up to provide for her and protect her family and future. Boaz’s actions gave Ruth confidence to seek him out as her family’s protector. In marriage, you should be each other’s greatest advocates. This means protecting your spouse’s dignity in public, guarding your marriage from outside interferences (such as toxic advice or inappropriate friendships), and creating a home that is a safe emotional refuge from the world. 4. Do the right thing the right way Boaz did not take shortcuts. Even though he loved Ruth, he acted with integrity: He followed the legal and social protocols of his day to ensure their union was honourable. Their relationship developed through respectful, planned actions, not hasty intimacy. Boaz honoured Ruth by protecting her reputation. Consistently doing the right thing in marriage means never cutting corners when it comes to practising good morals and values, as individuals and as a couple. It starts with alignment on what is right and honourable and requires complete transparency in every aspect of your relationship to keep each other accountable – your intentions, your communication, your finances. When you are committed to integrity, neither of you have to wonder whether the other has hidden motives or agendas. 5. Be clear on your purpose and legacy Boaz and Ruth’s marriage was not just about their own happiness; it ensured the preservation of Ruth’s family line and eventually led to the birth of Jesus. Despite the tragedy and poverty that Ruth faced, they trusted and submitted to God’s plan and timing. Their union resulted in a legacy that continued through generations. Strong marriages have a sense of purpose beyond themselves. Whether it is how you raise your children, how you serve your community, or how you support others, seeing your marriage as a partnership for a greater good helps you stay united and focused on God. The marriage of Boaz and Ruth demonstrates that godliness and mutual honour form the foundation of a lasting union. Their story highlights the importance of a strong character, acting with integrity rather than selfish passion, and trusting God’s providence. Questions to think and talk about:

The story of Hosea and Gomer is not a comfortable love story. It is confrontational, deeply emotional, and, to our modern minds, even somewhat unsettling. Their story did not start with romance but with obedience: God commanded Hosea to marry a woman who will be unfaithful to him. Hosea and Gomer’s marriage had to set an example that the people of Israel could learn from, with Gomer as a living representation of Israel’s unfaithfulness to God. From the onset, their marriage carried tension and pain. Yet, within that tension lies one of the clearest pictures of covenant love in all of Scripture: a love that pursues and redeems at great personal cost, often against all human logic and reason.  Hosea and Gomer’s story ultimately points us to the greatest love of all that is revealed through Jesus Christ. It also offers powerful and practical lessons for marriages today. 1. Love is a choice, not (only) a feeling Hosea did not marry Gomer because he was in love or excited about the prospect. He married her because God commanded it. His love was rooted in commitment – commitment to God and to God’s purposes. It was not an emotional decision. In our modern marriages, we often place feelings at the centre. The problem is that emotions are irrational and unreliable. When we don’t consistently experience the same feelings we had when we first fell in love with our spouse, we assume love has faded.  Hosea challenges this thinking. He shows us that marriage is a choice that is sustained by covenant, not chemistry. Feelings play an important role in romantic relationships, supporting connection and intimacy, but they cannot carry a marriage through hardship. To stay in it for the long haul, you need commitment. 2. Love often requires sacrifice When he married Gomer, Hosea knew that he was in for rejection, heartbreak, and public shame. Loving Gomer did indeed cost him deeply. Later in their story he even buys her back to restore the relationship (Hosea 3:2-3). Hosea chose to stay faithful to the Lord’s plan, even when that meant fetching his dishonest and disloyal wife from unspeakable places to bring her home. Knowing that the Word of the Lord is more important than his own feelings, Hosea chose to forgive Gomer and to set an example of God’s faithfulness.  Love that lasts will always be costly. It will, at times, require you to sacrifices your pride, comfort, and personal rights. Like Hosea, you should choose humility above everything else in your marriage, forgive one another even when it is not deserved, and stay engaged when it would be easier to withdraw. 3. Pursuing your spouse matters When Gomer wandered, Hosea did not wait passively. He pursued her, reflecting the pursuing heart of God: ” Therefore, behold, I will allure her…and speak tenderly to her.” (Hosea 2:14). Hosea understood that a healthy marriage is not sustained by proximity but by intentional pursuit. He followed the ultimate example set by God. God never lets go of His bride – He always pursues her, even when she wanders off in search of other loves and passions. In marriage, it is easy to drift apart emotionally. Keeping your connection alive requires proactively and regularly pursuing one another. 4. Redemption requires action  Hosea did not just feel compassion towards Gomer – he acted on it. He went out, found Gomer, and redeemed her. This is a powerful reflection of the gospel and the redeeming work of Jesus Christ. Brokenness in marriage is not necessarily the end, but restoration does require intentional steps: honest confession, genuine repentance, and active rebuilding of trust. Redeeming love requires moving from words and feelings to action. 5. Faithfulness is proven in difficulty Hosea remained faithful to Gomer even when she was not. His commitment to her did not fluctuate based on her behaviour. No matter what she did, Hosea looked past her actions. He even went so far as to step into her world and show her how to choose faithfulness. “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods” – Hosea 3:1. In the same way, God remains faithful to us, even when we rebel against Him. Faithfulness in marriage is not tested in the easy seasons – it is revealed in the hard ones. 6. Love sets boundaries When Hosea brought Gomer back, he set clear expectations: “You must dwell as mine…you shall not belong to another.” (Hosea 3:3). Hosea set boundaries by giving Gomer instructions on how to fulfil her role in marriage and, in doing so, restored their relationship. These boundaries protected their marriage and prevented further harm being done.  Without boundaries, forgiveness can turn into a free ticket to continue with past destructive behaviours. 7. Marriage reflects something greater Hosea and Gomer’s marriage was never only about them – it was about God and His purposes for His people. Their marriage was a living testimony of commitment, grace, forgiveness, and what God’s character is like. This picture is echoed later in the Bible in Ephesians 5:25-27, where marriage is presented as a reflection of Christ’s love for the church.  The example you set through your marriage is greater than the relationship itself. You have the potential to have a positive impact on other marriages and to inspire individuals to move closer to God – if you keep your eyes on Him. God’s love is the standard and the source At the heart of Hosea and Gomer’s story is divine love, rather than human effort. The Hebrew concept of hesed – steadfast, covenant love – is on full display. Hosea would not have been able to love Gomer the way he did on his own. He found his strength in his relationship with God. Hosea and Gomer’s marriage shows us that true love:  Pursues when it is easier to withdraw.Sacrifices when it is costly.Restores, no matter

Every marriage faces challenges. Difficult circumstances, unexpected situations, and emotional struggles – these can test the strongest relationships. Fortunately, the Bible gives us inspiring examples of couples who trusted God even when life was complicated. One of the most powerful examples is the relationship between Joseph and Mary. Although their situation as the parents of the Saviour of the world was unique, their response to God’s call provides timeless lessons for our marriages today. Tests of faith and obedience from the start Before we get to the lessons we can learn from Joseph and Mary, let’s recap their story for context. While Joseph and Mary were engaged, Mary became pregnant. According to Jewish law at the time, an engagement was a legally binding contract. Breaking an engagement, therefore, required a formal divorce. When Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant, he was, understandably, confused and deeply troubled. He had no explanation for the situation. However, because Joseph was a righteous man, he did not want to disgrace Mary in public. So, he planned to end the engagement quietly. Before Joseph could act on this decision, God intervened. An angel appeared to him in a dream and explained that Mary’s pregnancy was from the Holy Spirit and that the child she carried would be the Saviour of the world. Joseph then made a remarkable decision: He chose to trust God and take Mary as his wife, despite the potential social criticism and the personal uncertainty of what that would mean for him and Mary. Mary had her own challenges to deal with. When the angel told her she had been chosen to give birth to Jesus, she was very young – possibly between 12 and 16 years old, according to most historians and scholars. In her culture, such news would usually mean shame and rejection. Despite the potential consequences and life-changing impact, Mary responded with humility and trust in God, embracing her role as Jesus’s mother. She gave birth to Jesus in Bethlehem under humble circumstances and was present during many significant moments in Jesus’s life, including the performance of His first miracle and His crucifixion. What we can learn from Joseph and Mary The relationship between Joseph and Mary teaches us three powerful lessons about faith, obedience, humility, and partnership. 1. Obedience to and faith in God should come above all else Joseph and Mary both placed God’s will above their personal plans and reputations. Even when the path ahead was uncertain, they chose faith and trusted God, instead of allowing fear and confusion to dictate their relationship and their next steps. Importantly, their obedience and faith ultimately led to great joy and fulfilment. Seeking and prioritising God’s guidance above your own desires and expectations is crucial in marriage. After all, marriage was designed by God. Make an effort to listen to God’s voice together through prayer, Scripture, and wise counsel. Being aligned with Him will strengthen your relationship and make it more resilient. 2. Marriage is about teamwork and tackling life together Joseph and Mary faced many difficulties, but they never tried to navigate these by themselves. From the arduous journey to Bethlehem to their escape to Egypt, they faced each challenge together and supported one another. We all experience difficulties at some point. Financial stress, parenting challenges, and unexpected life events can test your relationship. The important thing is that you do not turn against each other during these trying times; instead, you should work together to overcome them. In the same vein, it is important to remember the concept of grace. Everyone makes mistakes, and no marriage is perfect. Just as God shows grace to you, you must also extend grace and forgiveness to one another. 3. Always keep your eyes on God’s purpose Joseph and Mary understood that their lives and relationship were part of God’s greater plan. Their marriage had a purpose beyond themselves: raising Jesus. Joseph and Mary remained faithful to this calling throughout their lives. Even when they faced hardship, uncertainty, and danger, they did not look at their circumstances but kept their eyes on God’s promise and purpose for them. You and your spouse may not be tasked with raising the Saviour of the world, but God still brought you together for a reason. When you pursue God’s calling and shared purpose for you as a couple, your relationship will flourish. But it won’t always be easy. When you experience obstacles, let Joseph and Mary’s perseverance be a reminder that marriage requires commitment, endurance, and patience. A God-centred marriage is an impactful marriage The story of Joseph and Mary is not simply the story of Christmas – it is a powerful example of a relationship rooted in faith and obedience. For us today, their story serves as a reminder that strong marriages are built on faith, mutual support, obedience to God, and a shared purpose. Joseph and Mary’s willingness to trust God changed the course of history. Similarly, your marriage can have a profound impact on your family and community – if you align it with God’s purpose. When you choose to walk together in faith, even the most challenging circumstances can become opportunities for growth, deeper love, and lasting joy. Questions to think and talk about:

When we think of the Biblical character Isaac, most of us recall the moment when his father, Abraham, was preparing to offer Isaac as a sacrifice to God. In recapping that story, we often focus on God’s provision and Abraham’s faith. But let’s pause for a moment and shift our focus to Isaac. How did that experience affect him as a person, and what did it mean for his relationship and life with Rebekah? A man without urgency When we look at the account of Isaac’s life in Scripture, it becomes apparent that he wasn’t someone who resisted. He does not fight or run – he goes along with what is happening. This could have been part of his personality; perhaps he was by nature someone who surrendered, rather than taking a stand. His circumstances would have supported this: He was the sole heir to his father’s wealth; he did not have to struggle to survive. What he needed came to him. However, it is possible that the event at Mount Moriah left a deep mark on him. The experience might have taught him not to fight but rather to step back. One could even say that it possibly made him into someone who did not have a strong drive to make things happen. We see this pattern continue as Isaac grew older. Despite knowing God’s promise that a nation would come from his family line, he did not actively look for a wife. Instead, Abraham took the initiative and sent his servant to find Isaac a wife. Importantly, the servant sought God’s guidance every step of the way. A woman of faith This is where Rebekah enters the story. Rebekah was not only beautiful – she was strong, decisive, and kind. She gave water to the servant and his camels, revealing her caring character. What is even more remarkable is that her family allowed her to choose whether to go with the servant immediately, in a time when women rarely had a voice. She left everything she knew for a man she had never met, purely based on faith. When Isaac and Rebekah met, Scripture says, they loved each other.  Shortly after they married, Isaac’s mother, Sarah, passed away. The Bible tells us that Isaac was comforted after her death. Rebekah became a place of healing for him. This reveals one of the most beautiful truths about marriage: that God can use your spouse to help heal your wounds. The pressure of waiting  Isaac and Rebekah had their challenges. Rebekah could not have children. For 20 years, they tried to start a family. Twenty years of hope dissolving into disappointment; twenty years of living under the dark cloud of an unfulfilled promise. Isaac prayed, and eventually Rebekah conceived. But waiting seasons bring pressure, and pressure tests a marriage.  When distance creeps in While Rebekah was pregnant with her twins, God gave her a direct word about her children: that the one would serve the other. Rebekah did not share this with Isaac. The Bible does not tell us why, so we are left with some questions. Did their communication begin to break down? Did they grow apart emotionally? Did the pressure start to divide them? When couples go through difficult seasons, it often results in partners simply living next to each other instead of with each other.   Division in the home Later, we see this distance spiralling into division in the family: Isaac favoured Esau, Rebekah favoured Jacob. The connection shifted from husband and wife to parent and child. This is dangerous territory. In marriage, spouses are responsible for meeting one another’s emotional needs. Children should never take that role.  Manipulation and passivity Rebekah’s love for Jacob meant that she wanted him to receive his father’s blessing. She consequently took matters into her own hands and manipulated the situation so that Isaac blessed Jacob instead of Esau. When Isaac found out that he had been tricked, he was upset; however, he did not strongly oppose it. He went along with what happened. Once again, we see the pattern of a man avoiding conflict while a woman steps in to take control.  God’s plan prevails Despite the poor communication, secrecy, manipulation, and division, God’s plan still came to pass. Jacob received the blessing and later became Israel. This reminds us of a powerful truth: God’s plan is greater than our brokenness. Seven lessons from Isaac and Rebekah’s story We can derive several valuable truths from Isaac and Rebekah’s relationship that apply to our marriages today. Questions to think and talk about:

When reading your Bible, you may have encountered a married couple called Priscilla and Aquila in the book of Acts. They were coworkers and friends and together acted as mentors, hosts, and disciples. Priscilla and Aquila represent one of Scripture’s most beautiful examples of a Christ-centred marriage. In fact, the Bible paints a rich portrait of this powerful couple – a husband and wife united in faith, purpose, sacrifice, and service. Their story offers timeless wisdom for marriages, especially for couples who desire to serve God together. How it started: Finding opportunity in hardship and everyday work Priscilla and Aquila’s journey began around AD 49, when the Roman Emperor, Claudius, expelled the Jews from Rome. They were among those who were forced to leave. Displacement could have easily led them to bitterness or isolation; yet God used their hardship to position them for ministry.  They settled in Corinth, where they met Paul. Like Paul, they were tentmakers, and they welcomed him into their home and workplace. Their partnership sprouted from ordinary labour. This is a reminder that ministry often grows out of everyday faithfulness, hospitality, and shared work.  True partnership is underpinned by mutual submission and cooperation Priscilla and Aquila’s marriage was one of true partnership. Scripture consistently mentions them together, emphasising the unity that characterised their relationship. Interestingly, Priscilla’s name frequently appears before her husband’s, which may suggest that she was a strong leader, was well-educated, or had a good social standing. Yet there is no indication that Priscilla and Aquila competed with one another; they always worked together.  Priscilla and Aquila demonstrate that a godly marriage is not about hierarchy or self-promotion but about mutual submission and obedience to a shared calling. Their relationship shows that spiritual influence in marriage flourishes when both partners honour each other’s gifts. Serving in ministry as a couple When Paul later travelled to Ephesus, Priscilla and Aquila accompanied him and remained there to strengthen the young church. Their home became a meeting place for believers, a house church. Ministry does not always require public platforms; it often begins in living rooms, around tables, and by opening homes. Priscilla and Aquila also invested in individuals. For example, Apollos, the highly talented preacher who arrived in Ephesus while they were there, had excellent knowledge of the Scriptures, but he did not fully understand the gospel message. Rather than correcting him publicly, the couple invited him into their home to teach and explain the way of God to him. Their approach was marked by humility, wisdom, and respect. This highlights several qualities that are crucial to effective ministry as a couple: spiritual maturity, courage to disciple others, unity in teaching, and grace-filled correction. Together, they mentored a leader who would go on to play a significant role in strengthening the church. Lessons for modern marriages Priscilla and Aquila’s story can teach profound lessons for couples today: A picture of courage and sacrifice Paul later wrote that Priscilla and Aquila “risked their lives” for him. Their commitment to Christ and to others was not theoretical – it involved real sacrifice. Their marriage was not self-focused but mission-focused. In a world where relationships often centre on personal fulfilment, the example set by Priscilla and Aquila reminds us that the deepest joy in marriage is found in shared purpose. Their legacy invites every couple to start serving together, transforming homes into ministries, friendships into partnerships, and ordinary lives into extraordinary testimonies of God’s grace. When you and your spouse pursue God’s calling together, your bond will strengthen, and your impact will multiply. Questions to think and talk about:

To write about marriage from a biblical perspective, we have to start with the first marriage that God Himself established: the relationship between Adam and Eve. A recap of Adam and Eve’s story Adam and Eve were ordinary people. However, unlike us, they were able to speak with God directly and walk with Him in the garden daily. They had a deep friendship with the Lord. In fact, they were so immersed in God and in who He was to them that they were fully clothed in His glory.  God provided Adam and Eve with everything they needed, and they had the freedom to enjoy all in the garden. The only exception was that they were not allowed to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Adam and Eve knew that disobeying this one command from God would lead to death. However, at the time, death was a foreign concept. Before the fall, Adam and Eve were going to live eternally, which means they did not grasp the threat of death. Yet it was God who spoke the command, so they should have obeyed irrespective of their limited understanding. Satan, who was already part of the picture and who was intent on destroying the perfect relationship between God and humanity, knew he only needed to sow doubt. He therefore went to the person who had not heard the command directly from God. He knew Eve could not say with full certainty what God had said, because she only heard it from Adam.  The one who actually made the mistake, therefore, was Adam. He heard directly from the Lord and still chose to act against His instruction, allowing the serpent to exercise authority over him. The consequence of Adam and Eve’s disobedience was banishment from the Garden and from God’s glory. They were forced to face their weakness and nakedness and to fend for themselves. God was still their provider, but they had to earn what they needed through pain and hard work.  So, what are some of the lessons we can learn from Adam and Eve’s story as the first married couple? 1. Submit your choice of marriage partner and your relationship to God. Adam and Eve did not choose one another. God created them for one another, and it is through their relationship with God that they came to know each other. The choice of a marriage partner lies with the Lord; you should not make this decision based on your limited human insights. Allow Him to show you the right person and keep seeking His guidance throughout your relationship.  2. Trust God to provide what you need God knew exactly what Adam and Eve needed and provided for all their needs. When you trust God with finding your spouse and directing your relationship, you can rest assured that He will provide what you need in your life together. As a couple, stand firm in the knowledge that He is the source from whom everything flows – that makes it much easier to surrender. 3. When facing hardship, stick together Adam and Eve’s poor decisions led to hardship and serious family challenges, with one brother killing another. Yet they did not hold their mistakes against each other; they faced the difficulties together. When life gets tough, standing together as a couple will help you weather the storm. And if one or both of you played a part in bringing about the challenges you are facing, forgive one another. 4. Know and accept your respective roles The Lord instructed Adam to take up authority on earth, and He made Eve to be his ‘helper’. The Hebrew word is ‘ezer kenegdo‘ – someone who stands alongside, helps, complements, and speaks into the other person’s life, like puzzle pieces fitting together. It also implies someone who actively intervenes on behalf of the other. Fulfilling your respective roles as man and wife from a biblical perspective is the only way to do marriage.  5. Marriage is about togetherness God made Eve because He saw it was not good for man to be alone. Marriage is about enjoying and navigating life together. The deep and intimate connection of marriage is the antidote to loneliness. You and your spouse are meant to need each other and to do life as a team. 6. Always communicate openly – no secrets Adam and Eve’s story is a stark warning about the dangers of making decisions without one another. Being open and honest – first with the Lord and then with your spouse – is non-negotiable. Satan knew that he only had to isolate Eve, because on her own she was much more susceptible to his deception. 7. Be thankful for what you have Adam and Eve had everything they needed, including uninterrupted fellowship with their Creator. They lacked nothing, yet they wanted more. That is typical of us humans – we are rarely satisfied. As a couple, talk to one another about how much is enough and learn to be content when you reach that point.  8. Guard and protect your marriage Satan’s goal is to tear apart and destroy. He wants division in marriage, instead of peace. When Adam and Eve were clothed in God’s glory, they were in perfect harmony. As soon as they became aware of their differences, tension began to develop.  It is vital that you guard your marriage and ask God’s help daily to keep you and your partner aligned and connected. Satan will do whatever he can to create division, don’t give him a foothold. 9. God is Just and keeps His Word What God said happened. He kept His Word, and the consequence of disobedience was death. As a couple, submit your lives and relationship to the Lord. Serve Him, obey Him, and follow Him. He knows best; hold fast to what He says. 10. Let go of your need to control The fall happened because Adam and Eve wanted to be in control. We often think we know better, instead

In marriage, honesty is not only about telling the truth. It is an ongoing decision to open your hearts to one another, communicate clearly and intentionally, and to speak and act in ways that build trust. Honesty creates breathing space within a relationship, and strengthens security and intimacy. Without honesty, a marriage may appear to function on the surface – sharing a home, raising kids, paying bills – but in reality, the connection is slowly withering away.  For Christians, honesty is not a recommendation – it is the only way to live. God’s design for relationships includes speaking truthfully, with the ultimate purpose of building one another up, not tearing one another down: “Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully…for we are all members of one body.” (Ephesians 4:25) Marriage is also a “one-body” covenant (Genesis 2:24). If truth is required among believers as one body, how much more so in marriage, the most intimate relationship of all? The positive power of honesty in marriage It builds trust: Trust is not built through grand romantic moments; it is built through consistent truthfulness in your everyday words and actions: what you promised, what you did, what you said, what you meant. Trust is one of the foundations of a resilient marriage that can weather storms in life.It protects the covenant of marriage: Lies don’t exist in isolation. They create a pattern of deception and destruction. A hidden message, a secret purchase, concealed resentment, a private habit – over time, these untruths slowly turn what is meant to be an intimate connection into two people living separate lives who happen to share a home. When you and your spouse can speak honestly to one another without fear of ridicule, punishment, or coldness, your marriage becomes a refuge rather than a battlefield.  It deepens intimacy: Intimacy requires being known and loved. No one can be deeply known if they are constantly managing impressions. Honest marriages focus on being real and present rather than on performance. It is part of showing affection because honesty indicates that you respect your spouse and their dignity. As the Bible says: “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” (Proverbs 24:26).  It reduces anxiety and suspicion: When there are hidden things between you and your spouse, it creates tension. We can all sense distance, guardedness, or inconsistency. Honesty brings clarity, and clarity brings peace of mind. It strengthens your partnership: A marriage is a partnership, and no partnership can function properly as a platform for making wise decisions if there is a lack of information. You need to be real with one another about your feelings, needs, and struggles. This helps create a mutual understanding that will enable you to make decisions as a united couple rather than as individuals pursuing private agendas. It makes repentance and healing possible: No marriage is perfect. But honest marriages can recover from bumps in the road because spouses are willing to confess, forgive, and rebuild. If your actions have affected your spouse and your marriage, confessing your sins to God is only one part of repentance; you must also humbly confess to your spouse.  It models integrity for your children and others: Children learn what marriage should be like through observation. If you practise truth consistently in your home, it teaches your children that honesty is part of a godly character and marriage. The flipside: What dishonesty does to a marriageDishonesty is not only about major betrayals. It includes avoiding certain topics or issues, manipulating your spouse, sharing partial truth and saying “I am fine” when you are not. Over time, dishonesty breaks down your connection. It erodes trust and breeds fear: Trust is like a mirror – once it is cracked, the mirror still serves its purpose to an extent, but the reflection will be distorted. Similarly, broken trust distorts your relationship, leading to fear, the desire to control, and defensiveness. This leads to destructive behaviour such as interrogating one another, withdrawing, or attempting to control money and schedules.  It creates distance and loneliness: When your spouse cannot trust what you say or do, they will no longer open their heart to you. Your relationship will become guarded, and you will start to drift apart.  It multiplies: Lying is rarely a once-off incident. One lie often requires another to cover it. Before you know it, you have created a whole network of lies.  It can open the door to deeper sin: Secret emotional connections, pornography, hidden spending, or concealed addictions can escalate into severe sins that do serious damage to your marriage. When you hide something, you give it power to grow.  Practising honesty consistently can be challenging, but the Bible is there to helpWe often avoid honesty not because we intentionally withhold the truth, but because we fear the consequences, like conflict or judgement. Fortunately, the Bible provides us with practical guidelines for speaking the truth in ways anchored in love, humility, and responsibility. Be gentle: “Let your conversation be always full of grace…” (Colossians 4:6). If your “honesty” regularly wounds your spouse, it may be that you are speaking truth without love.  Choose your timing wisely: “The heart of the righteous weighs its answers.” (Proverbs 15:28). Being truthful does not always mean acting on impulse. To manage the impact on your relationship, choose the right moment.  Own up to your mistakes and behaviour: “First take the plank out of your own eye.” (Matthew 7:5). Honesty is not only pointing out where your spouse may have gone wrong; it includes confessing your mistakes, taking responsibility for your actions and committing to change. Honesty is built in the small everyday moments of your life together: your words, your actions (both visible and invisible), how you react to one another’s words and actions, and how quickly you repair any wrongs to protect the unity of your marriage. Choose truth every day – it is one of the best long-term investments you can make in your marriage. Questions to think and talk about: 1. What do you think of when you hear the word “honesty” in the context

“Love … is not self-seeking…” – 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV) In a world that puts a lot of emphasis on self-care, individual rights, and “what is in it for me”, the biblical call to love one another in a way that is not self-seeking stands in sharp contrast. Yet this kind of love lies at the very heart of a strong, God-honouring marriage. A healthy, selfless marriage requires constant, intentional effort from both partners to focus on mutual support, open communication, and shared values – not on individual desires. Self-seeking versus servanthood Being self-seeking means that you place your own needs, preferences, comfort, and desires above that of your spouse. Essentially, you view marriage primarily as a means to meet your needs. It shows up in subtle ways – insisting on being right, withholding affection, and giving only when you receive. Biblical love, however, regards marriage as an opportunity to practise Christ-like servanthood. Instead of asking, “What do I need?” it asks, “How can I serve my partner?” Instead of “How does this affect me?” it asks, “How can I honour God by loving my spouse well?” Selfless love requires actively listening to your spouse’s needs and striving to meet them without being asked. The model of selfless love: Jesus The clearest picture of love that’s not self-seeking is found in Jesus Christ. He didn’t come to be served, but to serve (Mark 10:45). He laid aside His rights, His comfort, and ultimately His life for the sake of others. When both you and your spouse choose to love in this way, marriage becomes less about keeping score and more about mutual sacrifice. It becomes a safe space where grace flows freely and where both partners feel seen and valued. What selfless love looks like in your everyday interactions You express selfless love in the everyday choices you make as you go about life with your spouse:– Truly listening to your partner without immediately defending or correcting– Choosing patience when emotions run high– Forgiving without holding past failures against your spouse– Serving even when it’s inconvenient or goes unnoticed– Placing your spouse’s well-being above winning an argument It is important to understand that selfless love does not mean ignoring your own needs or allowing unhealthy patterns to become the norm in your marriage. Rather, it means being obedient to God’s Word by seeking to love one another selflessly and trusting that, when you obey, He will bring balance, healing, and growth to your relationship. Selfless love builds resilience When you practise love that is not self-seeking, your marriage will be transformed. Conflict (which is inevitable) will become less destructive, communication will be gentler, and unity will grow stronger. A clear shift will take place in your marriage: from a battlefield of competing to a partnership rooted in humility and grace. This kind of love builds resilience, which will help carry you through seasons of disappointment, fatigue, and change. That is because it is anchored in commitment and obedience to God’s Word, instead of depending on unreliable and ever-changing feelings. It is a daily choice Love that is not self-seeking doesn’t always come naturally. It requires making a conscious decision to die to yourself and choose love – every moment of every day. It requires prayer, surrender and a willingness to let the Holy Spirit reform your heart. When you learn to love in this way, your marriage will become a living testimony of God’s love: imperfect people choosing selfless love, by the grace of a perfect God. Questions to think and talk about: 1. What does “love is not self-seeking” mean to you personally in the context of marriage?2. What can you learn from Jesus’s example of selfless love that applies directly to your marriage?3. When was the last time your spouse chose your needs above their own? How did that make you feel? 4. What is one specific change you can make this week to love your spouse in a way that is not self-seeking? Practical challenge for couples: For one week, each spouse intentionally looks for at least one way per day to put the other first – without announcing it or expecting recognition. For example:  – Doing a task your spouse usually handles– Choosing their preference over yours– Offering encouragement when they least expect it At the end of the week, share with one another how it felt to give without expecting anything in return.

Loyalty is one of the most powerful yet misunderstood foundations of marriage. Many people think of loyalty simply as “not cheating”, but true loyalty runs far deeper than physical faithfulness. Loyalty is an attitude of the heart long before it becomes an outward action. It’s a daily decision to protect, prioritise, and stand by your spouse –  even when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or costly.  Loyalty is not proven in the easy seasons of marriage but in the difficult ones. Your level of loyalty is revealed when you experience disappointment, when dealing with conflict is exhausting, when your physical attraction seems to have evaporated, and when life’s pressures affect your relationship. In those moments, you have to make a conscious decision to choose loyalty to your spouse – emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Let’s explore the importance and nature of loyalty and how you can become more loyal.  First things first: Understand that loyalty is the backbone of marriageLoyalty is the gateway to trust in marriage. Without loyalty, intimacy becomes fragile, vulnerability feels unsafe, and emotional walls go up. When loyalty is strong in your marriage:– You will both feel emotionally secure– It will be easier to be honest with one another– You will deal with conflict more efficiently and respectfully– Growth becomes possible When loyalty is weak: – You will easily grow suspicious of one another– You will tend to get defensive when there is conflict– Your communication will break down– There will be emotional distance between you Essentially, loyalty is the glue that holds love together when romance alone is not enough. What loyalty looks like in practiceLoyalty in marriage means consistently placing your spouse above other competing voices, influences, and temptations. Put differently, it means you’re emotionally present, mentally committed, and relationally faithful to your spouse at all times. In practice, it looks like this: – Always speaking well of your spouse, both in public and private– Treating them with dignity, even when you are upset– Choosing to connect rather than to escape– Defending your relationship against outside interference– Remaining emotionally invested, irrespective of how you are feeling Importantly, loyalty is not unquestioningly agreeing with each other or staying silent when you are not on the same page. You can disagree or confront one another and still be loyal. Loyalty means staying committed while addressing any problems you are facing with love. How to strengthen loyalty in your marriage.Loyalty does not always come automatically. You must practice and grow it intentionally. Here are a few examples of habits you can cultivate that can help strengthen loyalty. – Prioritise your marriage: How you allocate your time, energy, and attention reveals where your loyalty lies and what you value. Neither you nor your spouse should have to compete with each other’s jobs, friends. phone time, hobbies, or family expectations.– Protect your spouse’s reputation: One of the simplest ways to practise loyalty is to talk about your spouse in a positive, supportive way.– Choose transparency: Keeping secrets destroys loyalty. Transparency, on the other hand, builds trust, which goes hand in hand with loyalty. Always be open with your spouse about your feelings, what you are struggling with, temptations you are facing, and your disappointments.– Set clear emotional boundaries: Don’t share intimate details of your struggles with someone else that you haven’t shared with your spouse. If someone else knows more about your inner battles than your spouse does, you are compromising loyalty.– Resolve conflict quickly: Loyal couples don’t avoid conflict; they resolve it. This involves apologising quickly, taking responsibility, seeking understanding and rebuilding connection. Loyalty is proven by restoration, not by perfection.– Defend your relationship: Every marriage faces pressures from outside. When other voices try to have a say in your marriage, loyalty means standing up for your spouse, protecting the unity of your marriage and not allowing others to sow division in your relationship.– Stay emotionally present: Emotional absence is one of the biggest threats to loyalty. When you are present, you are saying, “You matter to me.” When your spouse talks to you, practise being present by looking them in the eye, listening attentively, and showing interest in what they are saying. It also goes without saying: put away your phone. – Keep choosing each other: You won’t always feel the same feelings of love and passion towards your spouse; it is just human. Loyalty reminds us that love is not something you feel – it is something you do. It means choosing your spouse even when it is not easy, convenient, or romantic.– Don’t keep score: Marriage is a partnership, not a competition. Focus on your own attitudes and actions and how these measure up to being a loyal partner. Your spouse shouldn’t have to earn your loyalty. – Grow together: Loyalty deepens when you grow side by side. So, make an effort to read the Bible together, pray together, and then dream together. Loyalty creates a marriage that feels like home and commitment that lasts. It produces deep trust, emotional security, and strong intimacy. Over time, loyalty allows your love to mature, irrespective of how life unfolds for you as a couple.  Questions to think and talk about: 1. How would you define loyalty in marriage?2. How was loyalty modelled in your family growing up?3. What makes it difficult for you to be loyal at times?4. What is one area you want to grow in loyalty?