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Although marriage is essentially a union between two people committing their lives to one another, it doesn’t exist in isolation. When children are born or extended families come into play, new layers are added. Children and family can, of course, bring tremendous joy; yet they also introduce some of the most common and persistent challenges in marriage. If not addressed intentionally, these challenges can erode emotional connection, lead to resentment, and even create division. Let’s look at specific challenges and how you can navigate these as a couple.  The pressures of parentingTime and energy drainRaising children demands an immense commitment of time, attention, and emotional energy. Between school runs, homework, tantrums, and bedtime routines, couples often find themselves depleted. Deep conversations are replaced by brief chats about logistics, date nights become rare, and emotional intimacy fades.Solution:Schedule intentional “us time” – even if it’s just 20 minutes after the kids go to bed. Consider rotating who puts the kids to bed so that the other partner can get a moment of alone time to catch their breath. Outsource tasks where possible, for example, make use of a prepared meal service or arrange babysitting swaps with other parents.Different parenting stylesOften, one partner is stricter while the other is more lenient. This can lead to arguments, confuse the children, and make the strict partner feel unsupported in their role as a parent.Solution:Having different parenting styles does not mean that one of you is right and the other wrong. Both of you have the best intentions for your children. So, the goal is not to change each other but rather to find ways to complement one another. Attend a parenting workshop together or read a parenting book as a couple. Discuss what values you want to instil in your children and agree on consistent discipline strategies. Present a united front even when you disagree – and make sure you discuss differences privately, not in front of the kids. Child-centred marriageAlthough children are important, everything should not revolve around them – your marriage will take a back seat as a result.Solution:Place your marriage at the centre of your home, not your children. Let your kids see that you prioritise one another. A secure marriage provides children with emotional safety. Protect your time together without guilt.Losing individual identity in parenthoodOne or both spouses can lose their sense of self after children, especially the primary caregiver. They might feel invisible, exhausted, or as if their only purpose is to serve others.Solution:Encourage each other to pursue your personal passions, even in the smallest of ways. Trade off time so each partner has space to recharge. Celebrate each other’s growth outside of being a parent or spouse.Unbalanced responsibilitiesOften, one partner ends up doing more of the household or child-related tasks than the other. This imbalance can create burnout and resentment.Solution:Communicate clearly about roles and divide responsibilities fairly. This does not necessarily mean equally but equitably, considering any other roles you have to fulfil, at work or elsewhere. Check in with one another weekly and adjust tasks if needed. Acknowledge each other’s contributions regularly to show your gratitude. Extended family intreferenceOver-involvement from in-lawsWell-meaning (or controlling) in-laws can unintentionally (or intentionally) interfere with your relationship by offering advice, criticising your parenting choices, or trying to exert influence.Solution:Establish boundaries together. The spouse whose parent is overstepping should be the one to address the issue respectfully. Use “we” language to communicate a united front, for example: “We’ve decided to parent this way.” Show appreciation but assert your autonomy as a couple.Loyalty conflictsYou or your spouse may feel torn between loyalty to each other and loyalty to your parents or siblings, especially if you are part of a culture where family loyalty is highly valued.Solution:Discuss expectations openly. Decide together what boundaries you need to set. Create a family calendar that balances extended family involvement with time for your nuclear family. Remind one another that your marriage is your priority. Emotional disconnection and intimacy issuesDecreased sexual intimacyTiredness, stress and lack of emotional connection can make sex feel like an obligation instead of a joyful part of the relationship, the way God intended it to be.Solution:Talk openly about your needs and feelings without blame. Focus on emotional intimacy – kindness, affection, appreciation – as the pathway to physical closeness. Schedule time for physical connection if necessary. Bring back fun and flirtation into your relationship.Using children as emotional substitutesWhen a marriage is experiencing strain, some spouses turn to their children to meet their emotional needs, which leads to further alienation between partners.Solution:Your children are not your emotional partners – your spouse is. Seek emotional connection intentionally. Practice having open and vulnerable conversations with each other. If needed, consider counselling to rebuild trust and closeness.. In summary: How to strengthen your marriage amidst family pressuresSchedule regular check-ins: Weekly marriage meetings help keep the communication lines open.Seek counselling early: Don’t wait for a crisis. Marriage counselling can be preventative and strengthening.Invest in couple-time: Date nights, shared hobbies, short getaways – even if it’s once a quarter – will help rekindle your connection.Teach your children boundaries: Let them know that mum and dad need time together. It models healthy love. Teach family and loved ones boundaries: Let them know that you have your own set of rules as a couple and that you do things in a certain way. Reassure them that you will ask for help when needed.Practise gratitude: Making a habit of saying thank you for each other’s efforts on a daily basis goes a long way in building trust and kindness.Raising children and navigating extended family relationships can be one of the most rewarding but also stretching parts of marriage. The important thing is to face these challenges together with clear communication, intentionality, grace, and unity – not to avoid or ignore the issues. Marriage is a lifelong journey. When you choose to stay connected in the midst of chaos, your relationship becomes a steady and secure foundation – not only for you and your spouse but also for generations to come.  Questions to think and

As Christians, we should view our finances through the lens of stewardship, which means acknowledging that all our resources ultimately belong to God. The same applies to Christian couples: you are called to manage your finances as a couple and a family wisely and in alignment with biblical principles. So, what does this mean for your everyday financial decisions? Key principles for managing your finances Give a tenth of your income to the church Tithing is a biblical command – not an optional suggestion – to give 10% of your income to the church. Tithing should be done before you pay for anything else or before any deductions go off. This practice enables you to focus on the fact that your finances ultimately originate from the Lord: by giving Him what belongs to Him, you are saying that He is your provider, and you acknowledge Him as the true source of your income. This creates a stewardship mindset, which recognises God as the ultimate owner of everything that we possess, shifting the focus from ownership to stewardship. Such a mindset, in turn, encourages wise money management and a focus on eternal investment, rather than the pursual of temporary gain. Prioritise charitable giving The Bible consistently emphasises generosity. Giving to those in need as a couple should be a heartfelt priority, reflecting God’s provision and your gratitude. Avoid unnecessary debt Psalm 37:21 warns us against accumulating debt. It is important to avoid unnecessary borrowing and excessive spending beyond your means. That can strain your relationship and peace of mind. Practise financial transparency Having open and honest conversations with one another about money is vital. Transparency builds trust, deepens intimacy, and prevents misunderstandings that can lead to conflict. Pursue financial unity A “we” mindset in finances – rather than “yours” and “mine” – promotes teamwork and shared responsibility. Combining your resources helps align goals and values, strengthening your marital bond.  Cultivate contentment Hebrew 13:5 reminds us to be content with what we have. Focusing on your relationship with God and with each other, rather than on chasing material wealth, brings much deeper satisfaction and peace than what any earthly object or financial gains can bring. Get advise Wise counsel – whether from mentors, pastors, or financial advisors – can offer invaluable, objective insights into your financial situation and help you navigate complex financial decisions with clarity and unity. How to apply these principles in practice Give first Set aside a portion of your income for tithing and charitable giving. Prioritising generosity aligns your heart with God’s values. Budget together Create a joint budget to track your income and expenses and set financial goals. Have a monthly financial meeting during which you discuss your budget, your finances of the past month, and the coming month, so that you can make any adjustments if necessary. Regular check-ins are a good way of fostering teamwork, accountability, and collaborative decision-making. Communicate openly Regularly talk about your financial matters, including your needs, wants, goals, and expectations – in addition to your monthly meetings. Honest, ongoing communication minimises stress and keeps you aligned. Don’t forget to talk about the fun things too: items on your bucket list, surprising each other with something special, or leisure activities. Save and invest Prepare for future needs and unplanned expenses by consistently saving money and making wise investments. These practices reflect faithful stewardship and long-term vision. Seek counselling if necessary If you’re facing financial difficulties, don’t hesitate to seek help. A financial counsellor or pastor can offer support, guidance, and biblical direction during challenging times. Managing your finances in marriage is about more than balancing the numbers – it’s a spiritual practice that requires trust, unity, and obedience to God. By applying biblical principles, you can experience not only financial stability, but deeper connection, a shared purpose, and lasting peace. Questions to think and talk about: Challenges for couples 1. “Budget Date Night” Challenge Instead of dreading budgeting, make it a fun date! Grab coffee, light candles, or order pizza and create your monthly budget together. Play background worship music, use colorful pens or apps, and dream together about future goals (like saving for a trip, home upgrade, or giving to a cause you both love).  2. “No -Secret Spending” Challenge Each of you gets a small “fun allowance” for the month (e.g., R200). The catch? You must spend it in a way that surprises and blesses your spouse. At the end of the month, reveal how you used it. It’s financial transparency and a playful way to show love.  3. “Generosity Jar” Challenge Place a jar in your home where you both drop in spare change or little notes of things you could do to bless others. At the end of the month, pray over the jar and decide together where it should go – whether it’s helping a friend, buying groceries for someone, or supporting a ministry. Make it fun by celebrating your giving with ice cream or a picnic afterwards.

Marriage is more than a union of two lives – it’s a merging of histories, personalities, values, and experiences. Each partner brings into the marriage not only hopes and dreams but also wounds and scars. Past trauma, whether from childhood or adulthood, can have a significant impact on how you behave, communicate, and connect in marriage. Many couples struggle with unresolved emotional pain, often without realising its roots lie in the past. This shapes their perceptions of love, trust, conflict, and safety. However, the presence of trauma doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. With intentional actions, support, and grace, a marriage can become a place of healing. 1. Understanding trauma and its lingering effects Trauma is any deeply distressing or disturbing experience that affects your ability to cope and function normally. It can result from a single event or prolonged exposure to hardship. It’s not only the severity of an experience that makes it traumatic – your perception of the experience and the lasting emotional, physical, or psychological effects also play a role.  Common effects of trauma include difficulty with trusting others, fear of intimacy or abandonment, emotional numbness or reactivity, anxiety or depression, detachment, and poor self-esteem.  In a marriage relationship, past trauma doesn’t always scream; often, it whispers. It shows up subtly in arguments, communication breakdowns, or emotional disconnection. Common trauma responses in marriage include the following:Fight: Anger, criticism, defensivenessFlight: Avoidance, busyness, overworkingFreeze: Numbness, shutting downFawn: People-pleasing, avoiding conflict to maintain peace These responses are survival mechanisms developed before getting married. When not understood and addressed, these behaviours and emotions can confuse or hurt both you and your spouse, damaging your relationship. 2. Types of trauma and how they affect marriage a) Emotional neglect or abuse from childhoodEmotional neglect – that is, being ignored, dismissed, or shamed – often leads to relational disconnection in adulthood. Children who grow up without emotional validation consequently often struggle to express their feelings or understand their emotional needs as adults.Influence on marriage:The person who experienced this trauma may seem cold, distant, or unable to engage emotionally. They can also become avoidant, fearing vulnerability.If their partner is unaware of or doesn’t understand the deeper roots of the emotional disconnect, they could feel unloved or frustrated. b) Physical or sexual abuseThis type of trauma can create deep shame, fear, and body-related anxieties. Survivors may have issues with physical intimacy or boundaries.Influence on marriage:Victims of physical abuse might avoid physical closeness or dissociate during sex. They may need high levels of control in the relationship to feel safe. c) Divorced parents or abandonmentWhen a child is exposed to a parental split or abandonment, it can leave a lasting fear or instability.Influence on marriage:The individual may struggle with trusting their partner, harbour a constant fear that their partner will leave them, or cling tightly to their partner. Others may avoid commitment or emotionally distance themselves to protect themselves against future hurt. d) Growing up in a chaotic or addictive homeGrowing up in a home where addiction, domestic violence, or mental illness is commonplace often means the child had to ‘parent’ themselves ( and sometimes their caregivers as well). This can lead to hyper-independence, anxiety, and fear of unpredictability.Influence on marriage:These individuals may have difficulty relying on their partner, exhibit controlling behaviours, or display perfectionist tendencies. They may also expect conflict and walk on eggshells even when things are calm. e) Loss or griefLosing a loved one, especially in a traumatic way, can leave a person fearful of attachment or overwhelmed with unresolved grief.Influence on marriage:The person may fear loving deeply again or become emotionally guarded. They may carry unresolved guilt or sadness into the marriage, affecting emotional availability. 3. The first step towards healing: awareness People are often unaware that their reactions are shaped by trauma. However, as soon as they understand their behaviour of what happened in the past, they can begin to change. To increase your awareness of how past events could be affecting your marriage, consider the following questions:What types of situations in your marriage trigger strong emotional responses?Do you sometimes react out of proportion?What does your partner’s behaviour remind you of from your past? 4. How you can heal together as a couple While the closeness of marriage can bring unresolved wounds to the surface, it also makes it a unique space for healing. Nevertheless, healing will require commitment, courage, and compassion. Here are a few steps you can take together: Communicate openlyTalk to each other about your pasts in a safe, non-judgmental space. Understanding each other’s stories deepens empathy.Avoid blame.Use “I feel” statements.Be vulnerable but respect each other’s pace. Get help from a therapist or counsellorWorking with a trauma therapist, individually or as a couple, can help you identify patterns and guide healing. A marriage counsellor can also provide tools for better communication and emotional safety. Build trustConsistency, reliability, and empathy are key to rebuilding a sense of safety. Keep your promises.Respect each other’s emotional triggers.Reassure each other during difficult times. Create new, healthy habitsHealing involves breaking old, unhealthy cycles and developing new habits.Practice healthy conflict resolution.Schedule regular check-ins.Share positive moments and celebrate progress. Tap into your faithFor many couples, faith plays an important role in the healing process. Praying together, meditating, or studying Scripture can offer peace and perspective. There are also many practices you can follow as an individual to process past hurts and to recognise and celebrate growth, such as journaling, gratitude exercises, or quiet reflection.  5. The benefits of healing together When you and your spouse go through hardship together and do the work of healing, your relationship and bond will become stronger and more intimate by helping you:Understand each other’s inner worlds.Develop patience and compassion.Communicate more effectively.Build resilience and unity. Focus on connectionMarriage is not about perfection – it’s about connection. And true connection happens not in the absence of pain but in the presence of honesty, safety, and shared healing. Trauma may have left its marks, but with grace, communication, and intentional care, those scars can become stories of redemption.Your

It can be challenging to retain a sense of excitement in marriage as time passes. After the first few years, you might find that you have fallen into a routine. Life together becomes familiar and ordinary. In a way, you start feeling bored with your relationship. You may even feel like your marriage is no longer meaningful. Signs you might be bored in your marriageTo determine whether boredom has crept into your relationship, there are some signs to look out for. If any of these points sound familiar to you, it’s time to take action:You don’t show interest in each other’s lives, feelings, or hobbies anymore.You don’t give each other as much of your time and attention as you did at the start of your relationship.Thinking about your future together makes you feel unhappy or unsure.You enjoy spending time with other people more than with each other.You wish you could change your partner or your relationship.You feel like you no longer have things in common.It’s hard to find things to talk about.You often feel irritated or annoyed with each other.You no longer feel attracted to one another.You don’t appreciate each other anymore. Experiencing boredom doesn’t mean it’s overIf you experience any of the signs above, it can seem like your relationship has passed its ‘expiry date’. But that’s not necessarily the case.Couples often simply get too used to each other. Perhaps you’ve already reached your shared goals, or your daily life and routine have become too predictable. It doesn’t mean your marriage is over – it simply means your relationship needs fresh energy and new experiences. How to bring life back into your marriageRescuing your marriage from boredom doesn’t necessarily require drastic intervention or big changes. There are many simple things you can do to reconnect and make your marriage exciting once again: 1. Talk openly and honestlyShare your feelings of boredom in a calm, loving way. If you both acknowledge the problem and commit to working together to find ways to reconnect, your efforts are much more likely to succeed.2. Prioritise spending quality time with one anotherPlan regular date nights. It doesn’t have to be a long or expensive outing – the most important thing is that you spend time alone together and create a special memory. For example, drive to a nearby park and watch the sunset; you can take some snacks and something to drink if you’d like. Or agree to have coffee or breakfast together in the garden one morning before work. 3. Try new experiences togetherTake on a new hobby together, visit some place neither of you has been to before (even if it’s a new ice cream shop in a nearby town), attend fun events like a quiz night or parkrun, or take a class as a couple. New experiences help you bond. 4. Rebuild intimacyMake an effort to connect physically and emotionally. Try something new in the bedroom or have deep conversations where you truly share your innermost feelings, hopes, and fears with one another. 5. Be spontaneousBreak the routine by surprising each other with unexpected date nights and fun activities. For example, if you usually go on date night on a Friday, organise something for another day of the week and send your spouse a message with a mysterious invite: “Be ready tonight at 19h00. Dress code: smart casual…” If you normally go to a restaurant, why not try a food and wine pairing or a cooking class instead?6. Keep your own hobbies and interestsIt’s important to continue doing things you enjoy on your own. This helps you feel fulfilled and makes you a more interesting partner. 7. Get professional help if neededIf the boredom continues, consider seeing a marriage counsellor. Sometimes a professional with an objective view can help you see things in a new way. Don’t give up on your marriageWhen it comes to our marriages, it’s important to remember that the enemy loves to pull couples apart – and boredom is one of his most subtle tools. You should therefore make an effort not to allow boredom or busyness to drift you apart.If you notice signs of boredom, don’t ignore them. Talk about it openly with one another and work together to refresh your relationship. Choose to turn towards each other again and strengthen your relationship.Feeling bored in marriage doesn’t mean the relationship is over. It simply means it’s time to bring in something new. Questions to think and talk about:1. In which areas of your relationship do you think you might have fallen into a routine or become bored?2. What are some of the things you used to enjoy doing together that you haven’t done in a long time?3. What small steps can each of you take to bring more fun, excitement, or connection back into your marriage? Reconnection challenges:1. Plan one new experience together this monthChoose something you’ve never done before as a couple. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or visiting an interesting museum, or a market. Or if you truly want to get out of your comfort zone, it can be something more adventurous, like going horse riding or booking an escape room experience. If you need ideas of what to do in your area, look online. 2. Have one deep, honest conversation this weekSet aside time to talk about how you feel about your relationship, your dreams, your worries, or what you appreciate about each other. There shouldn’t be any distractions – put away your phones and make sure the kids won’t bother you, so that you can truly connect and focus on one another. 3. Surprise each other once this week It doesn’t have to be something significant. It can be a small gift, a love note, a coffee date, or running an errand for your partner that shows you care.

What is sexual connection? Sexual connection in marriage refers to the physical intimacy and emotional bond between spouses, where sexual activity is a key component of a deep, loving relationship. It’s about more than just physical acts – it’s about emotional closeness, vulnerability, trust, and shared experiences that strengthen the marital bond. A healthy sexual connection is a vital aspect of a thriving relationship and contributes to both physical and emotional well-being. It’s designed to bring God glory and unite husband and wife in a one-flesh relationship.  Four ways in which you can build a strong sexual connection 1. Create emotional safety Sexual desires thrive in emotional safety. When couples start feeling disconnected, sex often becomes mechanical or infrequent; it can even disappear from married life altogether. Creating space for emotional honesty without judgement sets the stage for real intimacy. 2. Be intentional Intentional sex – planned with care and mutual anticipation – can be more fulfilling than the cultural myth that sex must always be spontaneous. It communicates value: “You matter to me. Our intimacy matters.” 3. Rewrite the sexual script You and/or your partner subconsciously bring your own beliefs, perspectives, or shame into the bedroom, often shaped by your childhood or past relationships. Decide together what healthy, pleasurable, and meaningful sex looks like for you as a couple, considering your unique backgrounds and experiences. This shared vision for sexual and emotional relationships will evolve over time. It’s not about laying down rules and rigidly following those rules, but about honest, ongoing conversations. This could include talking about:  4. Be open and honest If you want to experience a deep sexual connection, you have to be aware of each other’s sexual worlds and expectations. If you aren’t, you’ll likely find that you’re feeling unsure, unsafe, and even unwilling and shy to share your hearts with each other. Effective, satisfying sexual connection starts with understanding each other’s world when it comes to this topic. Practical challenges for strengthening your sexual connection These challenges are designed to help you intentionally enhance trust, communication, and intimacy – emotionally and physically. Schedule a sacred intimacy time 1. Choose one night this week where you can block off one hour to spend together with no distractions – phones off, kids settled, and work set aside. 2. Begin with a five-minute eye gazing exercise to connect emotionally and be physically close to one another. 3. Transition into open conversation where you share your fantasies or desires, or move to sensual touch, but without any pressure. Reflect together on your thoughts, feelings, and expectations 1. What beliefs about sex did you learn growing up? How do these beliefs affect you now? 2. What do you need emotionally to feel open to sexual intimacy? 3. Think of three things that would make your sex life feel more connected and meaningful. Pray together for your sexual connection Dear God, thank you for the gift of intimacy. Thank you for creating us with bodies, hearts, and desires that are meant to be shared within the safety of a marriage relationship. Help us to create a space where we can express our love for one another without fear and where we both can be fully known and still fully loved. Teach us to speak with honesty, listen with empathy, and touch with tenderness. Heal any shame, wounds, or silence that has stolen our closeness. Restore the joy, playfulness, and connection we long for. Let our sexual connection be a reflection of  Your love – faithful, generous, and alive. Amen

What is spiritual connection in marriage?In a Christian marriage, spiritual connection is about more than shared beliefs – it serves as a sacred thread that ties your hearts to one another and God. It’s a bond rooted in Christ, shaped by a common faith, and strengthened through intentional actions.A spiritual connection between spouses reflects God’s divine plan for unity, love, and holiness in marriage, where God is at the centre of your relationship. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “A cord of three stands is not quickly broken”. Such a connection enhances trust, resilience, and purpose within marriage. The key foundations of spiritual connectionShared faith and values: Spiritual intimacy is built on a mutual belief in the only living God and shared values, such as unconditional love, forgiveness, and grace. When your common purpose is to glorify God, it provides direction and stability to your relationship.Respect for your individual journeys: Even though you are united in Christ, you will each grow spiritually at your own pace. Honouring each other’s walks with God fosters patience, empathy, and maturity (Romans 14:1).Open communication: Sharing the ups and downs of your spiritual life – your struggles and doubts, as well as your growth and victories – is vital to a meaningful spiritual connection. Being completely transparent with one another invites deeper understanding and support (James 5:16).A sense of unity in Christ: When you pursue God together, a unique unity forms – one that binds your hearts on a spiritual level (Philippians 2:2). How to build or strengthen your spiritual connectionStart with yourself: Cultivate your own spiritual growth before expecting it from your partner (Matthew 6:33). If you are spiritually healthy, you can provide better support and encouragement to your partner. Keep the communication lines open: Make time regularly to talk about your beliefs, doubts, and how God is working in your life.Engage in shared spiritual practices: Pray together, read Scripture, worship, and serve others. Serve one another: Serve one another selflessly in your everyday routine, reflecting Christ’s love (Galatians 5:13).Love one another unconditionally: Embrace each other’s flaws and forgive one another as Christ forgave you (Colossians 3:13). This creates a sense of security and strengthens your emotional and spiritual bond. What are the fruits of a spiritual connection?A deep emotional bond: You can sense your partner’s needs and emotions without them telling you about it, showing deep emotional and spiritual insight. Connection beyond words: When you spend time together in silence, it isn’t awkward but comforting. True spiritual connection exists in the quiet moments – a shared look during worship, praying together in silence, or simply being in each other’s presence. Joy and security: You experience a deep, lasting joy in your relationship, irrespective of your circumstances. (John 15:11). Strength in tough times: You find it much easier and natural to support each other through trails, because you know you’re part of something bigger than yourselves (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Desire for more time together: You long to spend more time together – even if it’s not physically being together – because every shared moment and interaction feels meaningful. Look out for these obstaclesMisaligned spiritual priorities: Sometimes one spouse may be more spiritually engaged or committed than the other. This can lead to tension, disappointment, or even distance in the relationship.Spiritual busyness without intimacy: It’s possible to be busy with spiritual activities, such as attending church events, serving, even praying together, without truly connecting spiritually.Avoiding vulnerability in faith conversations: Talking openly about your faith, doubts, and spiritual struggles can be uncomfortable, even between spouses. Not being willing to open up can block emotional and spiritual intimacy. Challenges for couples:Weekly Faith Check-InChallenge: Set aside 30 minutes each week to talk openly about your spiritual life.Purpose: Share what God is teaching you, any struggles you’re facing, and how your partner can pray for you.Bonus Tip: End with a short prayer for each other.Pray Together for 7 DaysChallenge: Commit to praying together every day for one week – even if it’s just for 2 – 5 minutes.Purpose: Builds spiritual intimacy and invites God into daily life.Bonus Tip: Try different types of prayer – silent, spoken, or written.Serve TogetherChallenge: Choose one way to serve others together this month – through your church, a local charity, or simply helping someone in need.Purpose: Shared services deepen unity and help you live out your faith as a team.Bonus Tip: Reflect afterwards on how the experience impacted your relationship. Questions to think and talk about:1. What does it mean to have a Christ-centered marriage? What can you do together to ensure Christ remains at the centre of your relationship?2. What challenges can hinder your spiritual connection?3. What are some practical ways in which you can grow spiritually as a couple? For example, how can studying Scripture together strengthen your marriage? 

What is emotional connection?Emotional connection refers to the special bond that you have with your partner. It moves beyond merely talking about surface-level topics like the weather, what you had for lunch, the children, or your household finances. An emotional connection is about sharing your innermost feelings, being vulnerable, seeking to understand each other, and meeting one another from a place of trust.Being emotionally connected to your partner is about being there for each other through the good times and the hard times. Such a connection makes your relationship stronger and more meaningful.  The power of emotional connection in marriageIt builds trust – When your partner feels seen, heard, and appreciated, it creates a sense of security and trust, which is fundamental to any relationship. They can find comfort and reassurance in the fact that they know they can rely on you to be there for them, no matter what.It improves mental health – A deep emotional connection can provide a sense of belonging and support, which can be good for your mental health.It builds self-esteem – In a marriage where the emotional connection is strong, both partners feel valued and cared for. Both feel “I matter”. What does emotional connection look like in marriage?Genuine smiles – A smile that lights up your eyes reflects a sense of finding joy in your partner’s presence and a shared understanding. When such genuine smiles come easy between you and your spouse, it’s a sign of a comfortable emotional connection.Shared laughter – Laughter is a universal language of connection. Shared laughter over things like inside jokes or similar experiences signifies a deep emotional bond.Authenticity – Trust is often the first sign of a strong emotional connection. When trust is established, you will both feel safe to open up to one another, embrace vulnerability, and share your authentic selves.Comfortable silences – Being able to be together in silence, without the urge to fill every moment with talking or discussions, shows a deep level of understanding and acceptance between two people. There is simply no need for words to feel connected or understood. Good communication – Communication is the lifeline of any relationship. Open and honest communication signifies a strong emotional connection. It indicates that you are both comfortable with sharing your thoughts and feelings without fear of  judgement or critique.Nonverbal communication is equally important. The ability to understand and respond to each other’s nonverbal cues – such as gestures, facial expressions, and body language – indicates a deep level of emotional understanding. How can you cultivate and strengthen your emotional connection?There are several factors that drive and sustain emotional connection in marriage. Some examples include showing empathy with and appreciation for one another, always keeping the communication lines open, spending quality time together (and being present when you do), and sharing experiences. Below we share three practical challenges that you can take on as a couple to get started to invest in your emotional connection. Challenges for enhancing your emotional connection: 10-Minute daily check-in challengeSpend 10 uninterrupted minutes each day talking to one another without any distractions. Focus on sharing your emotions, not just facts.Suggestion for a starter prompt: “How are you feeling today emotionally on a scale of  1 to 10? Why?”Purpose: Builds emotional intimacy and helps both of you feel seen and heard.Love letter swapWrite a short love letter or note (no more than one page) about what you appreciate, admire, or feel grateful for in one another. Exchange letters and read them aloud. Suggestion: Try this once a week for a month.Purpose: Reignites affection and deepens emotional safety.Vulnerability challengeSet aside time to share one fear, regret, or insecurity that you don’t usually talk about, or that your partner may not even be aware of. Respond only with empathy – don’t offer advice or try to provide a solution.Suggestion for a starter prompt: “One thing I struggle with but don’t always say is …”Purpose: Builds trust and emotional transparency. Questions to think and talk about:1. What are some practical ways in which you can intentionally connect daily?2. What role do you think vulnerability plays in emotional connection? 3. How can you create a safe space for sharing your emotions? 4. From your experience, how does showing empathy and active listening improve emotional connection?5. What are some of the barriers that prevent emotional connection in your marriage? What can you do to overcome them?6. Think of a time when you experienced emotional disconnection in your marriage. How did it affect your relationship?

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.”   Isaiah 40:31 Delving deeper into the lives of eagles, one of nature’s most majestic birds of prey, provides us with powerful lessons – not just for us as individuals, but also for our marriages. Strength beyond your ownEagles are known for their ability to soar high above the earth, with some eagles reaching heights of over 4km. It’s not only the strength and size of their wings and the structure and control of their feathers that make it possible for them to fly that high. The air currents flowing beneath their wings play a critical role. In marriage, human capabilities are not always enough. Couples need strength beyond their own. When you rely only on your resources to sustain your marriage, you will likely become tired and despondent. But when you trust in God, He becomes the wind that lifts your relationship to new heights. Rise above the stormsEagles are unique in that they don’t fly away from storms – they fly above them. Storms in marriage are inevitable, whether they take the form of financial stress, communication breakdowns, or personal struggles. But if you put your hope in God as a couple during these tough times, you can rise above the storms, just like eagles. God won’t always take the storm away. However, He will give you the necessary strength and vision to navigate the storm together so that you can ultimately rise above it. Protection and guidance are critical to growthJust as a mother eagle protects her young from all the dangers surrounding them and teaches them to fly so that they can become the eagles they’re meant to be, the Holy Spirit is your protector and guide. In marriage, both you and your spouse are continuously growing – spiritually, emotionally, and even in how you love one another. Throughout this growth, which can be uncomfortable and even painful, the Holy Spirit is always with you, ready to guide, teach, and convict you with love and gentleness whenever you stumble or face temptation. If you invite the Holy Spirit into your marriage, you will therefore be equipped to handle any trails that come your way and grow together in faith and love. Created to soar, not to scratch around in the dirtComparing chickens and eagles provides a powerful image of contrast. Chickens are bound to the ground, scratching around in the dirt. Eagles, on the other hand, are made to soar. In marriage, you can choose to remain stuck where you are, trapped by old habits, unresolved conflict, or complacency. Or you can encourage one another to rise higher, toward your God-given potential. God did not create you to merely survive in marriage, but to thrive. When you and your spouse consistently put your hope and trust in the Lord, submitting your relationship to Him in all aspects and through all seasons, you’ll begin to discover the full beauty and purpose of your relationship. You will soar. Questions to think and talk about:1. In what areas of your marriage do you feel like you’re “scratching around in the dirt” rather than soaring?2. What storms are you currently facing? How can you support each other to rise above these storms?3. Do you tend to rely on your strength in your marriage, or do you allow God to carry you through the difficult seasons? What can you do or change to become more reliant on God?

We live in a world that celebrates independence, personal rights, and individual happiness. While these things have value, they can lead us away from the foundational truths that sustain a godly marriage. A healthy marriage requires two people who are willing to lay down their agendas and preferences and choose each other, day after day. Drawing parallels between marriage and worship can help us understand what this entails.  A surrendered heart is keyMuch like worship, the key to a strong marriage is surrender – first to  God, and then to one another. Marriage is not merely an external act or a cultural tradition. It’s a continual surrender of self, a daily choice to honour, serve, and walk in unity with your spouse. And just as worship is not about what songs we sing and how well we sing them but about the life we live before God, marriage is not about appearances or roles – it’s about the state of the heart.God looks for hearts that are fully His (2 Chronicles 16:9). Similarly, a godly marriage requires hearts that are completely devoted to the covenant of marriage and that fight for connection, even when it’s difficult. In a world where convenience often trumps commitment, marriage demands unconditional devotion. Importantly, surrender in marriage does not mean you lose yourself. It involves finding your highest purpose in loving another deeply and selflessly. It’s listening when you’re tired. It’s letting go of pride. These are small, holy offerings that God receives as worship, and they heal and strengthen the marriage bond. Surrendering is an ongoing process Maintaining a surrendered heart and keeping your motives pure is easier said than done. The world tells us to “follow your heart”, but Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful. Your emotions, desires, and impulses can lead you astray if left unchecked. That’s why God tests the heart – and why you must continually ask Him to search your heart. This requires looking in the mirror and being honest with yourself: Are you seeking to serve, or to be served? Are you reacting in pride or humility? Without a surrendered heart, your actions will become nothing more than meaningless rituals. In Matthew 23:27-28, Jesus calls out the Pharisees for appearing righteous on the outside while being corrupt on the inside. Many marriages suffer this same contradiction: they appear to be functional, but inwardly they are cold and distant. It’s not enough to say the right things or perform the right gestures. Your heart must be in it. Prepare your heart Preparing your heart is a vital part of ongoing surrender. We often walk into church unprepared for the presence of God. In the same way, we often walk into marriage moments unprepared. We carry unresolved offense, a distracted mind, or unspoken expectations. But what if you paused, prayed, and invited God into the moment before a hard conversation? What if you sought His presence before reacting? Marriage needs intentional preparation in the same way worship does. When you show up to love your spouse, do so with a heart prepared by grace, prayer, and humility. It’s not about the feelingI recently heard a worship leader share his experience at a worship event. He said that as he was leading worship and sensing that the people had entered God’s presence, he began to thank God for what was happening. But then he heard the Lord say: “They are worshiping the song, not Me.” He was stunned.This story teaches us something vital: true worship is not about feelings or atmosphere. It’s about focus. Likewise, a strong marriage cannot be built on feelings alone. Love is not a mood: it’s a decision. There will be days when the “song” of marriage doesn’t sound right,  when you feel distant from your spouse, misunderstood, or unappreciated. It’s in those moments that the state of your heart matters most. You don’t walk away simply because the feelings are absent. You ask: What is happening inside of me that makes me feel disconnected?  Marriage, like worship, demands that you look inward and realign yourself with the covenant you’ve made. Love in spirit and truthJesus says that true worshippers worship in spirit and truth (John 4:23-24). Marriage, too, must be lived in spirit and truth. Spirit means being led by God, responding to His prompting. Truth means speaking and acting with honesty, integrity, and openness. A marriage where both partners are Spirit-led and truth-filled is a marriage that thrives. There’s no room for hidden bitterness, manipulation, or pretence. Instead, the relationship is characterised by transparency, freedom, and joy. No holding back In Luke 7, a woman weeps at Jesus’s feet in surrender, wipes them with her hair, and pours expensive oil on them. She has given everything she has; she didn’t hold back. Marriage requires the same heart: “I give you all of me, because I choose you, today, and every other day.” That is love. That is worship. That is marriage.

 I recently listened to a talk where the speaker referred to the space between something being said and how someone responds to what was said. The point the speaker was making was that the response – and the outcome – is determined by what happens in that space. The decisions we make in that space and the consequent actions we take shape the nature and quality of our relationships. In marriage, that space is sacred – it’s the place where love, respect, and understanding are given room to breathe. It’s where we choose whether we’ll respond with grace or with criticism. Ephesians 4:29 says: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up…that it may benefit those who listen.” In marriage, your words should actively build up your partner, not tear them down. To achieve a specific outcome or goal in your marriage, your words and actions should encourage and support that outcome – and that requires careful consideration and wisdom. If you have ever travelled to or lived in the UK,  you would be familiar with the phrase that appears at many a train station: ‘Mind the gap’.  In this article, I want to plead with every couple: mind the gap between when your spouse says something and your response. That space not only determines what the next hour or day of your relationship will look like; it ultimately determines the trajectory of your marriage. It can make or break a relationship. In marriage, that gap is often the difference between conflict and peace, between distance and closeness. When we are gentle in our response, we sow peace (Proverbs 15:1). Considering the weight of what happens in that gap and its potential impact, we should be willing to linger there a little longer and think more carefully about what we want to say and how we want to act.  It starts with truly hearing what your spouse is saying and making sure you understand what they mean – because that will determine your thinking. James 1:19 is a key verse for any couple: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” In marriage, true listening is an act of love: it’s not just hearing the words but grasping the heart behind them.  Next, it’s crucial to wisely manage the space between what was said and how you respond. We often rush to respond instead of using the opportunity to properly contemplate the situation. Consequently, we end up with an outcome we regret, and that can be very hard to undo. Even Jesus, before saying or doing something significant, often withdrew to be quiet and pray (Mark 1:35). That is a good example for us to follow in marriage: don’t speak first – be still, be present, pray before you respond if you can.  Minding the gap requires a conscious decision to pause after your spouse has spoken to you. Make sure you’ve listened correctly. Get clarity on the best outcome for your marriage (not for yourself) – and then make choices that will help achieve that outcome. Romans 12:10 urges us: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves.” Before you respond, there’s a chance to choose to treat your spouse with honour, which, in turn, strengthens trust and intimacy.  Every marriage is made up of thousands of moments of interaction, and between each one, there is a space. It’s in that ‘in-between’ that the Holy Spirit works – if we let Him. You can choose to ignore the space and the Spirit and react out of self-preservation. Or you can choose to follow wisdom and put your relationship first. It’s up to you.  Mind the gap – because in that quiet, sacred space, love becomes a choice, not just a feeling. Questions to think and talk about: 1. How do you typically respond to each other in emotionally charged moments? Do you react quickly, or do you allow one another space to think first?Follow-up: Can you think of a recent situation when pausing before responding would have changed the outcome?2. What does the “gap” between what is said and how you respond look like in your marriage? Follow-up: How can you better use that space to listen with empathy, understand each other’s intentions, and build one another up? 3. How can you invite God into that space between stimulus and response?Follow-up: What Scriptures, prayers or habits can you use to help you slow down and respond more like Christ?