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“Always remember, your focus determines your reality.”                                              George Lucas I recently listened to an interview where the person who was being interviewed said that there’s a fool and a king in all of us. Whether the fool or the king responds, depends on who you are talking to. Naturally, all of us want others to see the king or queen in us. We want to be perceived as someone who adds value and makes a positive contribution. When others recognise and acknowledge the good in us, it’s much easier to believe that we are able and have a meaningful purpose in life. This concept is central to the Christian life. Even before you were born, the Lord has set out a plan and purpose for your life. This plan is inherently good. It involves that which is best for you according to God’s perfect knowledge (not your limited human knowledge) and makes you become the best version of yourself. It enables you to step into your role and identity of being a child of the ultimate and everlasting King. Practically, this requires having a close, personal relationship with God, walking with Him daily and yielding to His instructions and guidance. When you do that, you bring out the king or queen within yourself. Satan, however, wants you to believe that you’re not worthy so that you become less effective in whatever you put your hands and mind to. He wants you to focus on your shortcomings and failures, to the extent that you end up believing you’re not good enough and that you don’t add any value. He wants you to believe you’re a fool.  When you fall for the enemy’s lies, you’re not stepping into your purpose. What’s more, because you focus on the negative things within you, you also focus on your partner’s inadequacies, turning both of you into fools. This gives Satan a lot of satisfaction – dis-empowering us to fulfill our purpose is exactly what he wants. That’s why you have a responsibility in marriage to also call out God’s plan over each other by focusing on the king or queen in your partner. Now, talking to the fool within yourself and your spouse can easily become a habit. This is where it becomes very dangerous because these fools then become the main characters in your life story. As children of God, you have to actively fight these lies from the enemy. You do this by directing your time and energy to the one and only King and His kingdom. The Lord tells us to focus our attention on the things that are above, things that are not of this world: “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Colossians 3:2 NIV). When you do this, you see things from God’s perspective – including yourself and the person you are doing life with. As a result, you’ll be able to talk to the king or queen in your spouse.  The first step is to make an intentional choice to focus on the king or queen in your partner.  Ask the Lord to show you all the positive attributes and character traits of your spouse and to help you become more aware of these as you do life together. When both of you focus on the king or queen within the other, the way you think about and act towards each other will start to change. Your marriage will reap the fruits of transformation – fruit fit for a king and queen. Make the choice today to see and talk to the king or queen in your partner. Questions to think and talk about:1. What is holding you back from seeing the king or queen in each other?2. How can you address these obstacles?3. Take turns to name each other’s best qualities and character traits, including specific things the other has done in the past or regularly do that add value.

“The Lord continued His teaching on the matter of authority. He called His disciples together and instructed them about future things in glory. He said that, among the Gentiles, men seek for authority in order that they may rule over others. It is good for us to seek for the future glory, but we ought not have the thought of ruling or lording it over God’s children. To do so would cause us to fall into the state of the Gentiles. To exercise authority and to rule are the desires of the Gentiles. Such a spirit must be driven from the church. Those whom the Lord uses are the ones who know the Lord’s cup and the Lord’s baptism.”                            Watchman Nee, Spiritual Authority Over the past few weeks, I’ve been confronted with the concept of authority. Where does my authority come from? How much authority do I have and over what and whom? How do I exercise this authority in a Biblical way? When we look at God’s Word, we see that having and asserting authority has been part of our humanness from the very beginning. In Genesis 1:26, God said: “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule…” (NASB). In other words, God intended for us to have authority and to use it to the benefit of His creation. However, as we often do as humans, we have distorted and abused this gift. We have decided that if we have authority, we don’t have to submit to authority. Nothing could be further from the truth. When God decreed that we should rule His creation, He didn’t mean we no longer need to submit to His authority. He shared authority with us as part of His desire to have a relationship and enjoy fellowship with us as His children. However, God was, is, and always will be the final authority. Adam and Eve did not fully comprehend this truth – which is why they fell for the trap that Satan set them. By calling into question God’s instruction regarding the trees in the Garden of Eden, Satan directly opposed God’s authority. Ironically, Eve did take Satan’s suggestion to her authority, Adam. However, instead of taking it to God as their ultimate authority – together with Eve – Adam decided to draw his own conclusion, encouraged by Eve. The fruit of this was separation from God. When we step away from God’s authority, the only authority left is our own and that of the evil one. As Christians, we can usually discern between good and evil, which means that most of the time, we do not choose the authority of the evil one. The problem is that we still often choose our authority above God’s authority. We see ourselves as the answer. Our wisdom and reasoning become the weapon we use to navigate our lives and relationships and fight our battles. However, because we are only fallible human beings, this weapon is limited. When both spouses in a marriage relationship choose their own authorities, these two authorities come in conflict, because without God’s insight and direction, both parties become extremely self-centred. So, how should we think about authority as Christians? Going back to the Word, we see that the authority over every power and principality lies under the feet of Jesus, as mandated by God Himself: “And God placed all things under His feet and appointed Him to be head over everything…” (Ephesians 1:22 NIV). In Ephesians 2:6-7(a), Paul extends this authority to those who follow Jesus: “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus…” (NIV). To fully grasp what this means, we need to understand that we are hidden in Christ, as stated in Colossians 3:3 – “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.” (NIV) We therefore have authority because of Christ and not because of our own strength and wisdom. When both you and your spouse are hidden in Christ, you have a merged authority in Him. This means you can pray together with authority and act with authority. Nothing can stand against this merged authority that is rooted in God Himself. Any challenge you face as a couple must bow the knee to the King of Kings – the problem or obstacle does not rule you and it certainly does not have the last say in your marriage. By drawing on the authority you have in Christ you can overcome any trial in your marriage. The story of the Roman centurion who came to Jesus for help illustrates that even Gentiles at times recognise Jesus’s authority. The centurion didn’t want  Jesus to come to his house – he said Jesus must simply say the word and his servant will be healed. The reason why he said what he said is that he acknowledged Jesus’ authority, even though he was a Gentile and, importantly, in a high position of authority himself in the Roman government. (View the clip from “The Chosen”: https://youtu.be/NxuoOU4O3AY If a Roman centurion can bow to Jesus, how much more should we do this as born-again believers and followers of Jesus? Questions to think and talk about: 1. As a couple, do you have a victim’s or an overcomer’s mentality when you face challenges in your marriage or as individuals?2. What can you do to make sure that you stay under the authority of Jesus?3. To what things have you wrongly given authority in your marriage? Step into the authority of Christ and allow Him to show you that these things are now under His (and therefore your) feet. 

“And on the seventh day God finished His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.”                                                Genesis 2:2 (NKJV). In the fourth of the ten commandments, as captured in Exodus 20:8-10, God instructs us to keep the Sabbath day holy: “Six days you shall labour and do all your work but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God: in it you shall not do any work…” (NASB).  In our Western culture, we don’t really pay much attention to this command. In fact we’re doing the opposite of what God instructs us to do. We use every opportunity we can to be busy. When someone asks us how we’re doing, our first reaction is often to explain how busy we are, as if it’s an accomplishment. Constantly being busy might be admirable in the eyes of the world, but not in the eyes of the Lord. As our Creator, God knows best what we need. We are made in His image, and He rested after He had finished His work. Having regular times of rest is woven into our DNA. For us to be the people God made us to be, rest is essential – it’s not a luxury. However. many people run on empty, not realising that their burnout comes from overworking and overachieving, often to impress people. Yet, as Christians, our main purpose is to please and glorify God.  The only way in which we can do this is by obeying His words and instructions. The Hebrew word for Sabbath means “to cease”, in other words, literally to stop or to quit. This begs the question: what are we stopping? Simply, our daily work and usual comings and goings. In other words, our focus on the Sabbath should not be on reaching goals and ticking off a to-do list. Our focus should be to rest and enjoy what God has given us so that we can feel rejuvenated. So, what does this look like in practice? It means that we have to refill the tanks on which our lives and relationships run, of which there are four: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. They work together to enable us to achieve what we need to. To refill these tanks, we must do things differently on the Sabbath to what we do in the week in all four areas. Here are a few examples: Physical: Go for a walk and simply enjoy the scenery. Try to avoid driving anywhere, unless you have to, in order to get to a peaceful place to walk.Mental: Watch a movie or read a book.Emotional: Spend quality time with your loved ones – your spouse, your children, your grandchildren, close friends. Spiritual: Meditate on God and soak up His presence. To quiet your mind, you can listen to worship music, read Scripture or pray out loud – whatever works for you. While these are great examples of what you can do as an individual, what about having Sabbath as a couple? In the context of marriage, the Sabbath offers a wonderful opportunity to grow in your relationship and focus on the present. To get in the right mindset, it’s important that you first intentionally forgive one another for anything that happened during the previous week. Then you can focus on refilling your tanks together: Physical: Start the day slow and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea together in bed. Cook your Sabbath meal the day before to free up time, then take a walk together or go have a picnic. Avoid running any errands or doing strenuous work.Mental: Watch a movie or series you both love, together. Play a board game or complete a crossword puzzle.Emotional: In addition to time with your children and family, make sure you spend quality time alone with one another. Consider doing a couple’s quiz – these quizzes not only offer the opportunity to learn new things about one another; it can also be fun.Spiritual: Pray together and for each other. If you’re unable to attend church, listen to a sermon together, or have communion. Remember that the purpose of the Sabbath is to renew your strength, so it’s vital that you do things that energise you. For example, if cooking a meal together is something you love to do but never get a chance to do in the week, that might be the best way for you to spend quality time as a couple. ( Just make sure you get everything you need the day before!) And remember to laugh and enjoy one another’s company, free from the strain of any challenges or problems you’re facing. Honouring the Sabbath will shift your focus away from the busyness of everyday life to your Lord and Creator and enable you – as individuals and as a couple- to become who He intended you to be. Listen to the podcast about The Sabbath and Marriage in Afrikaans:https://iono.fm/e/1456920 Questions to think and talk about:1. What is keeping us from having a Sabbath day?2. How can this benefit us as individuals and as a couple?3. What are some practical examples of things we can do to fill the four tanks?

I recently stumbled upon an article where the authors commented on numerous quotes relating to forgiveness. Many of the quotes contained valuable snippets of wisdom and inspired me to share my thoughts on some of them.  “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”  Unknown If you choose to hold on to the wrongs that were done to you – either by your spouse or someone else – you will remain stuck in a place of bitterness and resentfulness. The pain that you’re experiencing at that moment will become your reality and eventually your identity. You won’t be able to move forward but will live in the past, with the idea of a better future only a distant concept.  It’s important to realise that by letting go and moving on you’re not saying that what was wrong and hurtful is now right and acceptable. It wasn’t right and it never will be. Forgiveness simply frees you from the shackles of bitterness and feeling let down and gives you the ability to take control of the situation, instead of the situation controlling you.  “To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it.”     Unknown Sometimes the situation that caused you pain, was so severe that you cannot stop thinking about it. However, dwelling on it has the same effect as repeatedly touching an open wound. The wound will remain painful and won’t be able to heal. Crucially, it could also get infected, leaving you even worse off. The only way to heal your hurt is to step away and allow time to do its work. This means you have to stop revisiting the situation and – just as you would apply ointment and plaster to a physical wound – take proactive steps to move out of a place of hurt and pain. If this means you need to get professional help, do that. Seek out anyone who can help you move forward and keep you accountable.  “People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” Joseph F Newton This quote made me realise that every thought I hold against someone who has wronged me is a brick that I use to build a wall around myself.  I can try and justify this by saying I’m isolating myself, but that would be a lie. In reality, I’m isolating myself from other people, trapping myself with my pain. Eventually I’ll be alone with only my pain for company, cut off from others.  To heal from your past hurts, start using your bricks to build bridges instead of a wall. Reach out to people who can help you process what happened, ask God what you can learn from the situation, start to support others who may be experiencing similar hurts.  While walls isolate, bridges lead to new possibilities, partnerships, and prospects. “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Robert Quillen Marriage can never be successful if unforgiveness forms part of the fabric of the relationship. As a married couple, forgiveness is a gift that you must give each other daily.  Any unforgiveness that you hold in your heart, irrespective of whether it’s about something big or small and how long you’ve held on to it, will have a negative impact on your connection as a couple. To keep your connection vibrant and growing, you must diligently put forgiveness at the top of your priority list. One of the most powerful tokens of love that you can give your spouse is forgiveness. Always remember that. You can read the full article here: https://www.marriage.com/advice/forgiveness/quotes-that-will…  Questions to think and talk about:

“The act of taking the first step is what separates the winners from the losers.”                                 Unknown                                              The concept of communication almost always comes up when discussing marriage relationships. That’s because communication is one of the critical building blocks of a successful relationship. When a marriage is in trouble or has failed, whatever the direct cause might be – financial struggles, the loss of a child, infidelity – the root of the problem can often be traced back to ineffective communication between husband and wife. Poor communication opens the door for assumptions, misunderstandings, resentment – to name only a few – to sneak into your marriage, and all of these can slowly and silently damage your relationship.   So, if you want to improve your communication as a couple, you simply need to start talking to each other more, right? Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. The problem with this approach is that the focus is simply on talking, not communicating – and there’s a big difference.  This begs the question: how do you start effective communication? The first step is to take your spouse’s person, time, and space into consideration. In practice, this means having the decency to first ask your spouse whether it’s a good time to have a conversation. Most married people assume that their partner is available 24\7. That’s not true. With our limited human capacities, we’re never available on that basis. God is the only One who is available to everyone all the time. When you want to connect with other people besides your spouse – whether it’s a friend or a business partner – you check each other’s diaries and arrange a day and time to meet.  We do this out of respect for the other person and because we want them to be present when we meet up. If we can do this for other people, who are not nearly as important as our significant other, why do we expect our spouses to be available for a conversation at the drop of a hat? Now, when you ask your spouse whether it’s a good time to have a conversation, you have to be prepared that there’s a chance they will say no. Don’t take the negative response personally – your partner is simply not available and you need to respect that. Respond by asking, “Okay, so when will be a good time for you to have a conversation?”. Then agree time to talk. When you arrange beforehand when you’ll get together to talk, the timing and atmosphere will be much more conductive to a fruitful conversation, because you’ll both feel that your needs and personal situations have been considered and respected. This sets the stage for a conversation where you’ll earnestly listen to one another and have the willingness and courage to share your views and thoughts.   When the initial answer to a request for having a conversation is “no”- either from you or your spouse – it’s however very important that you arrange to talk as soon as possible. If the request is postponed indefinitely, the one who asked for a conversation can easily feel that their partner is not interested in and does not value what’s important to him or her. They can feel that their reality is dismissed. To avoid this, make sure you arrange to have the conversation within the next 24 hours. Don’t make the mistake of confusing talking to another with effective communication. Make time for honest, meaningful conversations where you’re both at ease and present. I guarantee that it will transform your relationship. Questions to think and talk about:

“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”                                                               Stephen Covey You’ve probably heard this quote from the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People before. But how often have you  actually ask yourself what ‘the main thing’ is? When it comes to marriage, it’s vitally important that you know the answer to this question. There isn’t only one answer, but rather three answers that are all interlinked.  The first main thing in a healthy marriage is that your relationship must be a safe space for both partners at all times. When both you and your spouse feel safe with one another and secure in your relationship, all walls come down and trust and transparency permeate every aspect of your relationship. As a result, you’ll be much more willing to, and comfortable with discussing difficult topics, without either of you feeling the fear of being blamed, shamed, criticised, or judged. You’ll have the confidence to completely be yourselves. In such a relationship, you truly hear and see one another and become more aware of one another’s deepest needs and expectations.  These needs and expectations bring us to the other two related aspects of the main thing in marriage: the core needs of a wife and a husband respectively.  The number one need or expectation of a wife is to feel chosen. She wants to experience this special status of being the chosen one every moment of every day, with all her senses. She does not want to compete with anything or anybody for her husband’s attention and affection or have any reason to doubt his love for her. His heart belongs exclusively to her and no one else. A husband must therefore do everything he can to make sure that his wife always feels that she is his number one priority and that she can be 100% confident of his love and devotion. In reality, most husbands don’t know what this means in practice.  So, they do whatever they think is the right thing to do. However, the outcome is usually miles from what they intended.  The best approach is to ask your wife what this means for her so that you know exactly what you’re aiming for and how you can address her needs and expectations.  When it comes to a husband’s number one expectation, it boils down to him feeling that he’s wanted and adding value to the relationship. When a wife acknowledges her need for, and dependence on her husband, he feels respected and that he’s succeeding in his role as the husband in that relationship.  In a man’s mind, respect must be earned; so, if he’s not adding value or doesn’t have a purpose in the relationship, then he cannot receive respect. To find out what it is that makes your husband feel that he’s adding value and meeting his duties as the husband, ask him – and then start doing it. When you and your spouse both meet one another’s most important needs, you’ll automatically create a safe space in your relationship, which takes us back to our first point. But to meet each other’s needs in a way that makes sense to you both, it’s vital that you communicate. There’s no reason to make your partner guess or figure out what you want. That’s not how a healthy, godly marriage operates, and you’ll likely set one another up for failure. Help each other to love one another in a way that makes sense to you by talking about it. This interplay between creating safety, feeling chosen, and feeling valued is ” the main thing” in marrriage. If you prioritise and keep working at it, with Christ as the foundation, your marriage will work. Questions to think and talk about:

“He who asks a question remains a fool for five minutes. He who does not ask remains a fool forever.”                                                     Chinese Proverb We all want our bond with our spouse to become stronger over time. However, we also know that this doesn’t happen by chance. To grow closer to one another and strengthen your relationship you must be intentional.  One of the ways to grow the level of intimacy and connection in your relationship is to ask one another insightful questions. Here are a few examples: 1. “What do you think the future holds for us?” Or “Where do you see us in 5 or 10 years from now?” These questions help you to focus on the future, instead of on the past, which you can’t change or influence in any case. It provides the opportunity to resurrect forgotten goals and dreams and to come up with new goals together. It can be very energising to be reminded that there is so much more to experience than the here and now. In addition to your future as a couple, you can also ask each other about your individual goals, for example, “What are the specific things that you would like to do or experience before you die?” Create a bucket list and talk about how you will achieve your goals and how you can support one another in reaching your individual goals. The graveyard is full of unrealised dreams and aspirations. Don’t allow your dreams to be buried with you one day. Live them now! 2. “What can I do to be a better support for you?” This question touches on your respective needs in the relationship. We often get so busy that we lose touch with what our partner’s specific needs are. If you know what your partner needs you can meet their needs in a way that makes them feel valued, cherished, and loved. When your spouse does the same for you, you will also feel valued. As opposed to future hopes and dreams, meeting one another’s needs will have an immediate, practical impact on your daily life. For example, if it’s important to your partner to have half an hour of quality time together in the evening to talk together about the day, you will adjust your routine as a couple accordingly. As a result, your connection with one another will strengthen in a very tangible and measurable way.  3. “What can we do to improve our communication?” At the heart of this question is the reminder and realisation that there are two different realities in a relationship, and that the only way to discover and unpack your partner’s reality is through effective, meaningful communication. If your communication is poor, chances are that both of you will feel unseen, unheard, unvalued, and misunderstood. By identifying any shortfalls in your communication and establishing certain techniques or habits that can help improve your communication, you’ll be more likely to deal effectively with any challenge that crosses your path, irrespective of your differences. 4. “How can we help each other become better versions of who we are?”  This is strongly linked to self-care – those things that you need personally in order to feel energised, inspired, rested, and at peace; ultimately, to be the person you were made to be. If you have a good understanding of what these things are for your partner – and they for you – you can create an environment that enables and encourages these things, allowing one another to flourish. The natural consequence of feeling good about oneself is that you are more likely and willing to serve others, including your spouse. This supportive, encouraging environment is exactly what couples in today’s high pressured world need.  5. “What obstacles do we experience in our relationship and how can we overcome these?” By being open and honest about the challenges in your relationship, you become more aware of, and more intentional in addressing issues. Facing your frustrations head-on means negative thoughts and experiences don’t have time to accumulate and escalate over time. An obstacle is a valuable opportunity to grow closer to one another – if you have courage to deal with it together. What at one point might have been unpleasant or even painful, can therefore actually increase the strength and happiness of your relationship. There are many more questions that you can discuss that will deepen the intimacy of your relationship.  But the questions above are a good start. If some of these questions are particularly relevant to you as a couple and your situation, set time aside to discuss them first. I promise that it won’t be long before you’ll experience a positive impact on your relationship. 

“People who have great relationships, are willing to put in the work, they are willing to put in the time and effort it takes to build and sustain a relationship, and they are willing to give up ‘I’ for ‘We’. “                                                      Dr. LaWanda N. Evans When you’re in a relationship that has lasted for years, it’s easy to take one another for granted. After all, you most likely know everything there is to know about one another. This can easily lead to a mediocre relationship where you simply co-exist, without truly being connected. So, what can you do to transform your relationship from merely existing to one that is meaningful, exciting, and passionate? How can you get your relationship back to a level where you naturally smile every time you think of each other? I want to point out seven things that I think are important for a relationship to fall into the “great” category. This is by no means an all-inclusive list – there are many more guidelines for building and maintaining a meaningful relationship. Nevertheless, for me, these seven principles are critical. Also, keep in mind that this list focuses on things you can do as a couple as you navigate everyday life – it does not intend to address the spiritual aspects of your relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that the spiritual is less important; on the contrary, it is crucial that your relationship is built on spiritual principles, like praying together, and seeking guidance from the Lord as a couple. However, today, we’re focusing on the practicalities of your day-to-day interactions. 1. Listen to one another All of us have our reality, which is based on our personality, upbringing, experiences, and many more factors. When both of you give the other space and time to live their reality, you both feel more valued and that your reality matters to your partner. You do this by truly listening to each other. This means you silence your reality when your partner speaks – you have to tell your subconsciousness that you don’t want to be reminded of all the things you want to say back at your partner. It’s a conscious choice to focus only on your partner’s reality. It doesn’t mean you ignore your feelings. When the time comes, and it is your turn to speak, you can ask questions and make comments, because then your reality is at play. You won’t be able to listen to one another if you both think your reality is more important. Acknowledge that both your realities are important and treat them as such, then the listening will follow. 2. Trust and support each other. Trust means that you can share your deepest thoughts, fears, and concerns with your partner, knowing it’s a safe space. Ultimately you’re entrusting one another with your hearts – the most significant kind of trust of all – since a person’s heart is at the centre of who they are. By entrusting someone with your heart, you’re saying that you know they will look out for you and take care of you; they will be your safe haven in a world that is inherently self-centered. When you do this, you start to know each other deeply and intimately. As a result, you’ll be in a much better position to support each other in achieving your dreams and goals, as a couple and as individuals. 3. Treat each other with respect. Respect means you see, acknowledge, and accept your partner for who they are and give them the necessary space to be that person. In addition, you cheer them on to grow, and achieve their full potential to accomplish what they should. In other words, you don’t try to change them or belittle them or their dreams; you celebrate and support their uniqueness. By respecting your partner, you’re indirectly telling them that they’re valuable to you and that you want to protect them and who God made them to be.  4. Set boundaries. This hinges on the previous point. Boundaries are there to protect. This includes boundaries within your relationship, for example, saying that you’ll never raise your voices at one another when there is conflict. You must also have boundaries that protect your relationship from external influences. These boundaries keep other people and what they say and do out of the sacredness of your marriage relationship. When there are no boundaries in a relationship, it can cause havoc.   5. Apologise – and mean it. For many of us, apologies do not come easy. But this doesn’t give you the right to hold back an apology simply because you want to be right. When you’re in the wrong and you know that you’ve acted in a way that’s not supportive of your relationship, you must apologise and rectify your actions as necessary. But don’t do it begrudgingly – an apology has to be genuine. If you give an apology only to keep the peace or even to manipulate,  and nothing about your behaviour or actions change, it doesn’t mean anything.  6. Maintain balance. Life is busy. It’s a symptom of the time we live in. In juggling all the many demands, many couples fall into the trap of saying that, when there is enough time, energy, and money, then they will do something as a couple. The problem is that these three prerequisites seldom all line up at the same time. As a result, your life gets out of balance, and you both end up spending a lot more time and energy on other things – work, the kids, getting exercise – than on your relationship. In other words, your marriage drops to the bottom of your priority list. To achieve balance, you must establish what you must let go and what you need to take up, to invest in and grow your relationship.  Balance means your relationship will get the priority attention

“Easter is a beautiful reminder that no matter what seems dead (your marriage, your dreams or even your faith) God can give it new life!”                        Davewillis.org Following Jesus is not about obeying a set of rules – it’s about being in a committed, personal relationship with Him. In Jesus, we have the ultimate example of what our earthly relationships should be like. That is why it’s so important that Jesus is the foundation of your marriage. If He isn’t at the centre you can follow the best advice and use the greatest relationship tools that are available, but you will still struggle. What’s more, in the Bible Jesus is presented as the bridegroom, with all believers (i.e. the church) being the bride. If you believe and confess that He is your Lord and Saviour, then you are part of His bride.  In God’s abundant grace, He therefore gives us the ability to experience and ‘practise’ marriage in this life before stepping into a marriage with Him.  It’s almost like doing a dress rehearsal in order to be prepared for the marriage with the Lamb. Having a Godly marriage where Jesus is at the centre requires living by the principles He demonstrated as the bridegroom during His time on earth. Easter provides an excellent example of these principles. 1. Love unconditionally  On the cross, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for people who didn’t even know or love Him yet! In other words, He loved a bride who didn’t love Him; He loved us first. In the same way, He is asking you to love your spouse regardless. Your love should not be dependent on whether and how much he or she hurts, disappoints or frustrates you. You should love your spouse despite of,  not because of.  2. Have a servant heart As the Son of God and our Saviour, Jesus deserved to be served. Yet, He chose to serve others instead. No sacrifice was too great – not even His own life, which He willingly laid down for His bride. Having a servant heart in marriage means always putting your spouse’s needs and desires above your own. This doesn’t mean that you become a mere slave. The beauty of Jesus’s example is that, once we accept Him as our Saviour and get to know Him, we naturally start serving Him and putting Him first. In the same way, when both partners in a marriage relationship prioritise serving one another, you will both be fulfilled and loved.  3. Let God lead you Jesus illustrated His love for us the way God wanted Him to love us – not the way that He wanted to. Before He went to the cross, He begged His Father to let the cup of suffering pass Him by, if possible. However, God’s plan and purpose required Jesus to die and rise again. So, Jesus obeyed. In fact,  Jesus didn’t do anything without guidance from the Father. His complete dependence and obedience to God is a blueprint for how to conduct yourself in your marriage. Insisting on doing and seeing things your way can stand in the way of what God has planned for your marriage. Start every day by asking the Father to lead you in how you speak and interact with your partner. And then do what He tells you, even if it means that you would be drawing the short straw.  4. Never give up  Jesus kept His eyes on the end goal and didn’t give up. Even though the goal meant immense suffering and eventually death, He persevered. Despite what He was going through He focused on restoring the beauty and holiness of the bride, giving everything to reunite the bride with God. Accomplishing what you want both in and through your marriage will often come at a great price and involve many sacrifices. Be willing to pay that cost, no matter what. If you choose to live your marriage according to the principles Jesus demonstrated during Easter, your relationship will start radiating His glory and perfect love, drawing and directing others to the marriage between the Lamb and His bride.  Questions to think and talk about: 1. Is your marriage a reflection of the marriage between the Lamb and His bride? What are the reasons for your answer? 2. Which of the four principles mentioned should you be more intentional about? How can you go about this?  3. What other principles demonstrated by Easter do you think can serve as an example for your marriage? Author Kobus Pauw https://walkingthetext.com/good-friday-the-triumph/https://youtu.be/swO5s6adraI?si=TzhblOvANUKL9DHu

“God is working on your problem. Stay calm. Stay sweet. Stay out of fear and keep on keeping on.”                                                                                                                 Joyce Meyer More often than not, we view and experience life from our frame of reference. Unknowingly, we allow our circumstances to predict the outcome, and we simply adjust accordingly so that we can absorb – as best we can – whatever curveballs life throws at us. The reality is that we feel inadequate to deal with the situation we’re facing,  whatever it relates to (e.g. marriage, family relationships, finances), and however big or small the obstacle may be. We become acutely aware of the fact that we don’t have the knowledge or the right capabilities to know and to do what must be done. We realise that we fall short. The result is that we become frustrated and disillusioned, and we start raging a war within us that can go on for a lifetime. Because no matter how hard we try, our abilities will never be able to carry us through. But what if the answer does not lie in our understanding and effort? What if our focus simply needs to shift? What if, instead of trying time and again and hitting the wall of our limitations, we surrender to a power and a Person who is much greater? In physical warfare, surrendering usually indicates losing. However, in the everyday battles of life, surrendering is the first step to victory. Crucially, you need to surrender to the right power. I’m talking about the power of a King like no other, who is so mighty that everything in the universe will bow the knee before Him: the one and only God. When you place your trust and hope for the future in Him as an individual and as a couple – the author of all that was, is, and will be – everything changes. You get a whole new outlook on life. You see the daily struggles and challenges from an eternal perspective and, as a result, you react to and experience these challenges in a completely different way. So, how does God see your situation and how does He expect you to see and navigate it? Let’s look at what His Word says. In Joshua 1: 9, the Word of God states: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  How many times a day do you get fearful of all the things that are beyond your control, whether it’s your personal life (e.g. a difficult season in your marriage, at work, or with your kids) or in the world around you (e.g. wars, politics, corruption)? God says that you do not have to be discouraged because He is with you wherever you go and whatever happens. In fact, you must not be discouraged – it’s an instruction. Things may look dismal and difficult on the surface, but you are not alone in the situation. You have the comfort of His presence. You can trust that He will make all things work out for good, even though it may not be in the way or timeframe you expected. He knows what’s best.  In Proverbs 3: 25 – 26, God gives a similar command and an equally comforting promise. He says “We do not have to be afraid of sudden terror and panic, nor the stormy blast or the storm and ruin of the wicked when it comes. For the Lord shall be our confidence, firm and strong, and shall keep our feet from being caught in a trap or some hidden danger.” Always remember that God knows about everything you’re facing. Your circumstances aren’t a surprise to Him; it didn’t catch Him off-guard. He knew the storm was coming, and unlike us, He is not moved by the storm. That is why your focus should be on Him and not yourself. Your strength and confidence to overcome whatever you’re facing must be solely rooted in Him. This is the opposite of what the world teaches us, namely that we must put ourselves first and trust no one else. The Word of God says that He is the only one we can trust and that He knows our weaknesses and the trials we face. Importantly, as Paul points out in the second letter to Corinthians, our weaknesses and shortcomings are good and necessary: “My grace (my favour and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me,”(2 Corinthians 12;9). You don’t need anything but God. All you need is to know Him and allow Him to be part of every single aspect of your life, including both the mundane frustrations and the serious struggles. Give over and surrender to Him. When you do, you allow Him to manifest His power and authority in and through your weaknesses. And any challenges you’re facing will shrink in comparison as they bow the knee to the King of kings. Questions to think and talk about: 1. How do you think the Lord sees you and your spouse today? 2. What part of your life and/or marriage have you not surrendered to Him? 3. What is keeping you from surrendering? 4. Read the following scriptures together. How do they apply to