To write about marriage from a biblical perspective, we have to start with the first marriage that God Himself established: the relationship between Adam and Eve.
A recap of Adam and Eve’s story
Adam and Eve were ordinary people. However, unlike us, they were able to speak with God directly and walk with Him in the garden daily. They had a deep friendship with the Lord. In fact, they were so immersed in God and in who He was to them that they were fully clothed in His glory.
God provided Adam and Eve with everything they needed, and they had the freedom to enjoy all in the garden. The only exception was that they were not allowed to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Adam and Eve knew that disobeying this one command from God would lead to death. However, at the time, death was a foreign concept. Before the fall, Adam and Eve were going to live eternally, which means they did not grasp the threat of death. Yet it was God who spoke the command, so they should have obeyed irrespective of their limited understanding.
Satan, who was already part of the picture and who was intent on destroying the perfect relationship between God and humanity, knew he only needed to sow doubt. He therefore went to the person who had not heard the command directly from God. He knew Eve could not say with full certainty what God had said, because she only heard it from Adam.
The one who actually made the mistake, therefore, was Adam. He heard directly from the Lord and still chose to act against His instruction, allowing the serpent to exercise authority over him.
The consequence of Adam and Eve’s disobedience was banishment from the Garden and from God’s glory. They were forced to face their weakness and nakedness and to fend for themselves. God was still their provider, but they had to earn what they needed through pain and hard work.
So, what are some of the lessons we can learn from Adam and Eve’s story as the first married couple?
1. Submit your choice of marriage partner and your relationship to God.
Adam and Eve did not choose one another. God created them for one another, and it is through their relationship with God that they came to know each other. The choice of a marriage partner lies with the Lord; you should not make this decision based on your limited human insights. Allow Him to show you the right person and keep seeking His guidance throughout your relationship.
2. Trust God to provide what you need
God knew exactly what Adam and Eve needed and provided for all their needs. When you trust God with finding your spouse and directing your relationship, you can rest assured that He will provide what you need in your life together. As a couple, stand firm in the knowledge that He is the source from whom everything flows – that makes it much easier to surrender.
3. When facing hardship, stick together
Adam and Eve’s poor decisions led to hardship and serious family challenges, with one brother killing another. Yet they did not hold their mistakes against each other; they faced the difficulties together. When life gets tough, standing together as a couple will help you weather the storm. And if one or both of you played a part in bringing about the challenges you are facing, forgive one another.
4. Know and accept your respective roles
The Lord instructed Adam to take up authority on earth, and He made Eve to be his ‘helper’. The Hebrew word is ‘ezer kenegdo‘ – someone who stands alongside, helps, complements, and speaks into the other person’s life, like puzzle pieces fitting together. It also implies someone who actively intervenes on behalf of the other. Fulfilling your respective roles as man and wife from a biblical perspective is the only way to do marriage.
5. Marriage is about togetherness
God made Eve because He saw it was not good for man to be alone. Marriage is about enjoying and navigating life together. The deep and intimate connection of marriage is the antidote to loneliness. You and your spouse are meant to need each other and to do life as a team.
6. Always communicate openly – no secrets
Adam and Eve’s story is a stark warning about the dangers of making decisions without one another. Being open and honest – first with the Lord and then with your spouse – is non-negotiable. Satan knew that he only had to isolate Eve, because on her own she was much more susceptible to his deception.
7. Be thankful for what you have
Adam and Eve had everything they needed, including uninterrupted fellowship with their Creator. They lacked nothing, yet they wanted more. That is typical of us humans – we are rarely satisfied. As a couple, talk to one another about how much is enough and learn to be content when you reach that point.
8. Guard and protect your marriage
Satan’s goal is to tear apart and destroy. He wants division in marriage, instead of peace. When Adam and Eve were clothed in God’s glory, they were in perfect harmony. As soon as they became aware of their differences, tension began to develop.
It is vital that you guard your marriage and ask God’s help daily to keep you and your partner aligned and connected. Satan will do whatever he can to create division, don’t give him a foothold.
9. God is Just and keeps His Word
What God said happened. He kept His Word, and the consequence of disobedience was death. As a couple, submit your lives and relationship to the Lord. Serve Him, obey Him, and follow Him. He knows best; hold fast to what He says.
10. Let go of your need to control
The fall happened because Adam and Eve wanted to be in control. We often think we know better, instead of trusting God and what He says. This leads to a God-complex, when we begin to worship ourselves and our own ideas, which is a form of idolatry.
11. Sin brings separation
The outcome of sin is separation from God and from one another. Sin has the opposite effect of what God intended when He created humanity and established the institution of marriage. Regularly confess your sins and encourage and help each other to turn away from sin.
12. Even in God’s judgement, He doesn’t abandon us
God’s grace is immense. He knows you are going to make wrong choices, just like Adam and Eve did, but He won’t hold your sin against you. Your mistakes don’t determine your identity, even though that is what Satan wants you to believe. Jesus’s death on the cross paid for our sins so that our relationship with God can be restored to what it was before the fall. All you need to do is repent.
Questions to think and talk about:
- Which part of Adam and Eve’s story do you relate to most?
- Has sin ever created distance between you? How did you restore your relationship?
- Why do you think Satan attacks marriages?