Giving it your all – Connection Impact

“I have no other choice as a Christian. I owe it to Jesus Christ to live for Him, to make Him my consuming passion and the driving force in my life. To do this I have to die to my desires daily. I have to crucify the urge that measures every action and decision around what is best for me. Paul is eloquent regarding this fact: ‘We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body’ (2 Corinthians 4:10). Just as Jesus went to the cross, so I must go to the cross, always considering myself as carrying around ‘the death of Jesus’ so that his new life – his motivations, his purposes, his favour – might dominate in everything I do. This reality calls me to look at my spouse through Christian eyes.”
Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage

Contrary to what the world may tell us, marriage is not a 50\50 relationship where your ‘other half’ completes you. Marriage is a 100\100 relationship, where both partners give everything.

The quote above shows us that marriage – much like the Christian life – is about sacrifice. To make the relationship work, you have to be willing to sacrifice whatever is important to you. If you put your own needs and desires first, the relationship will be filled with tension, frustration, and conflict. Your sole focus and goal should be serving your partner, whatever the cost – that’s how you build and maintain a healthy and happy relationship.

Have you and your spouse had a conversation about what you think is needed to make your relationship work? And what about talking about what you would need to sacrifice in the process, and how willing you are to make the necessary sacrifices?

When it comes to dying to ourselves in our Christian walk, we know that death does not come easily. Our natural instincts are to keep living our way. This is also applicable in our marriage. We would rather try to convince our partner why we cannot do something than make the sacrifice – even when we know full well that our partner would benefit from our sacrifice. At the heart of this selfishness is the fear that we are going to lose something in the process.

Once again, our sinful human nature comes into play: why should we lose something while someone else benefits? The irony is, of course, that we lose a lot more if we choose not to make the sacrifice.

We can reason our way around this matter endlessly. But the question you should ask yourself is whether that is how Christ expects you to live. He set the example of laying down everything for His Bride. Nothing was too costly, not even His life!

We tend to think that Christ did not have a choice, but He did, otherwise He would not have asked if the cup could pass Him by. He was fully human when He died on the cross, giving His life willingly, so that we can have a relationship with our Heavenly Father without obstacles.

What is hindering your relationship from being the best marriage it could be, and what sacrifices can you make to reduce or even take away these obstacles?

I encourage you to take some time to think about this question and do self-reflection. If all the fingers point in your direction, choose to make the sacrifice. If you struggle to make the sacrifice, then ask yourself what Jesus would do in your place and do what He would do.

Marriage means laying down your life for your partner daily. That is the only way in which your partner will feel loved in a unique and exclusive way. But you would not be able to do this consistently in your own strength. The Lord knows this, which is why you need the author of marriage to guide you in this process.

This can only be done in a close relationship with God: walking with Him daily, always listening for His guidance, and being obedient to what He says. You must do this as individuals and as a couple.

Take the Hand of the One who set the example of the ultimate sacrifice – He knows what is best for both you and your partner.

Regards
Kobus Pauw
Connection Impact